


Can I love you?

by wartransmission



Category: Free!
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 05:51:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru doesn't know when they began, but Makoto doesn't really know either. All they know is that their fingers fit perfectly in the spaces of each other's hands, and that they're the only ones who find it normal to speak with each other through their eyes. Nagisa complains that it's unfair- but really, since when was life ever fair? All Haru wants is for Makoto to be a little more selfish, but that's not going to happen either, is it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I love you?

Haru doesn't remember when or how 'it' starts, whatever 'it' was. It's similar to remembering when it was that he first met Makoto (the Makoto that was always clinging to his clothes and hiding behind his back whenever something scary came up, who is the Makoto now that has become so tall that Haru can't pull him along like he used to); he doesn't know when it began. He still doesn't know, to be honest.  It's been so long, being with him, that Haru can't tell when it started. But does it matter in the long run? Makoto was here with him, he still is, and that's the important thing. Frivolous details like years and dates shouldn't matter. (Right?)

 

"I've always wanted to know, Haru-chan, Mako-chan!" Nagisa says while they're on the roof, his wide smile still so devious-looking that Haru can't help from being wary. He looks ready to pounce as he leans forward, upper body providing needless shade for his lunch. Haru has to wonder, sometimes, why he sees this pushy guy as a little brother. Makoto, meanwhile, provides Nagisa one of his gentle smiles as he waits for the question, his own lunch left alone for a moment in favor of putting his full attention to Nagisa's imminent question.

 

"When did Haru-chan and Mako-chan first meet?"  Nagisa asks, looking the perfect picture of an innocent and curious child. It takes a while to process the question before Haru frowns, unable to help himself as he blinks in bemusement. Nagisa continues, apparently not done with talking, "I've always been curious about it. You've been really close since we were younger, but I never thought to ask then. So? When was it, Mako-chan?"

 

"It's been so long that it's a little hard to remember," Makoto answers, a sheepish smile on his face as he idly rubs a thumb against the corner of his bento box. "Do you remember, Haru?" Makoto asks, chuckling when Haru twitches in surprise at having the attention suddenly being put on him.

 

"No," Haru says, before going back to eating from his bento.

 

"We've known each other since before kindergarten, so maybe since we were babies?" Makoto says, not taking his own words seriously as he smiles in that way that he does when he's just guessing at something and he's not expecting his answer to be right. Haru immediately turns his gaze away from Makoto's face when Makoto catches him looking, though he knows that Makoto's smiling again- in a different way, this time. It's probably that smile Makoto makes whenever he thinks Haru's not looking at him, which Haru always is. He just doesn't say anything about it because he doesn't want to embarrass Makoto. It's not like Makoto's the only one guilty of smiling whenever he thinks the other person isn't looking, anyway.

 

"I'm jealous," Nagisa says with a pout while sneakily stealing a piece of food from Rei's lunch. He completely ignores Rei's complaints as he says, "You got to spend such a long time with Haru-chan, Mako-chan! That's totally unfair!"

 

"It's not like I could help it," Makoto says, amused as he begins to eat again at a slow pace. He makes sure to finish swallowing before he speaks again, being the polite person that he is. "Besides, we're all spending time together now. That's the most important thing, isn't it?"

 

"I guess." Nagisa pouts, looking mildly put-off, until he regains his cheery disposition by turning his attention to Rei and his lunch.

 

"Haruka-senpai, I almost forgot to tell you!" Rei exclaims, the hand holding his bento raised up in the air as he turns to look at Haru. "Rin-san texted me to say that he wanted to swim with us, so he asked Seijuro-san for permission to use the pool in Samezuka."

 

"He couldn't tell me that himself?" Haru raises a judgmental eyebrow, reminded of just how close Rei and Rin have gotten. It's mostly because of their similar love of books, he thinks. It's kind of nice, if he were to be honest with himself.

 

"You never actually keep your phone with you, Haru," Makoto says, voice trailing off as he smiles with one raised brow at Haru.

 

"Yeah, Haru-chan! What's the point of your phone if we're all just gonna end up calling Mako-chan?" Nagisa whines, cheek pressed up against Rei's arm as he lazily raises a hand to reach out for Rei's lunch.

 

"Hmph." Haru huffs and turns his face to the side, before going back to eating his lunch.

 

"Well," Makoto begins saying, easily earning Haru's attention when he notices how hesitant Makoto sounds. "Rin actually texted me as well to tell you about it," Makoto admits after finishing off a bite from his food, a guilty look on his face when Haru regards him with a blank expression. "Rin knows you well enough to remember that you don't ever use your phone, huh?"

 

Haru doesn't bother to refute it. It's not that it's true; more like, he can't bring himself to tell Makoto that Rin texts him still. They're all mostly pissed off text messages saying, "Haru, answer your goddamn phone!"

 

Haru never bothered to reply to any of them, which would explain why Rin turned to Makoto and Rei instead.

 

"Mm," he grunts as an answer, turning his eyes away from Makoto's smile as he continues eating. It's not like he was the one who chose to buy a phone. His grandmother insisted that he get one, and he just ended up with one because Makoto couldn't not listen to her. Anyway, it's not like he ignores every text and call. He just chooses to notice the more important ones.

 

"I know that it wasn't exactly your choice to buy one, Haru," Makoto says, a sigh escaping him as he finishes off his food. "But what if the call was because of an emergency?"

 

"Then I'll answer it," Haru says seriously.

 

"You can't guess which call is for an emergency, though." Makoto smiles in that way that he does whenever he thinks Haru’s amusing.

 

"I'll know." Haru looks up at Makoto, staring intently at him, until Makoto makes an "ah!" sound in realization.

 

"Eh? What is it, Mako-chan?" Nagisa says, finally giving up on stealing from Rei's lunch. He keeps his proximity to Rei, though, their thighs touching still; Haru doesn't say anything because it's not really important.

 

"Haru gave us all individual ring-tones," Makoto says with a sigh, his tone more affectionate than exasperating, as it would be before the whole Rin debacle.

 

"That's rude, Haru-chan! Are you saying you'll ignore it when you know who it is?!" Nagisa yells in disbelief, cheeks puffing in annoyance when Haru gives him a blank look.

 

"Yes," Haru says. Makoto laughs when Nagisa gasps loudly, the incredulity clear just from the hand he has pressed onto his chest.

 

"That's not very nice," Makoto scolds in a playful tone, earning a minuscule smirk from Haru as he finishes eating his own lunch.

 

"At the least, my ring-tone should sound beautiful," Rei says, earning a loud laugh from Nagisa. "What's so funny, Nagisa-kun?"

 

"Ah, Rei-chan, never change." Nagisa laughs again when Rei sputters in response. "Aw, it's so cute when you're flustered, Rei-chan!"

 

"It's not funny, Nagisa-kun!" Rei yelps, raising his bento again when Nagisa makes to steal it. "Please stop! You have your own lunch!"

 

"But I already finished it," Nagisa whines, nuzzling the top of his head against Rei's arm. "Come on, Rei-chan, just a bite! Your cooking is really good, you know?"

 

"They're having a lot of fun, aren't they?" Makoto says from Haru's side, a smile on his face as he watches Rei flushing in embarrassment at Nagisa's words.

 

"Yeah." Haru nods minutely, turning his gaze up at the pair as he cleans up his bento box.

 

"Oh, Rin also said that it's going to be this Saturday!" Makoto exclaims once he finishes up cleaning his own bento box. "That way, we won't be bothered by schoolwork. That'll be fine, right Haru?"

 

"Aa." Haru assents, already making to stand up as he dusts the back of his pants off. Makoto follows, as he always does, laughing when Nagisa whines in protest at them both.

 

"It's still too early to leave!" He moans in annoyance, hands gripping at Rei's sleeve as he rubs his cheek against his shoulder. "Are you and Mako-chan planning to do something on your own? That's sneaky, Haru-chan!"

 

"We don't want you to disturb us," Haru says all too seriously, making Makoto stutter in embarrassment and Nagisa yell in excitement.

 

" _Haru_ , you shouldn't say things that Nagisa will misunderstand!" Makoto groans, face flushed in the lightest bit. He immediately turns to the eager Nagisa, open palms trying to ease his burning curiosity. "You really shouldn't take Haru seriously, Nagisa! He probably just wants to go to the bathroom- right?" He turns to Haru, a pleading expression on his face as Nagisa continues hounding him.

 

"Mm," Haru grunts noncommittally as he turns to leave, hiding a smile when Makoto yelps behind him. "Hurry up, Makoto. We'll be late for class," he says over his shoulder, not bothering to look at what he knew would be Makoto struggling to stand despite Nagisa's weight on him. It's a typical scene.

 

"Ah, Haru-chan is being responsible!" Nagisa grins, before rolling off of Makoto and bumping into Rei ("You should be more careful, Nagisa-kun! What if you'd hit your head?") on the way. "Hear that, Mako-chan? Haru-chan wants to go to _class_ already."

 

"Why does it sound so suspicious when you say it," Rei murmurs with a weary expression, having already cleaned up his own bento.

 

"Probably because he meant it in a suspicious way," Makoto agrees with his own weary sigh. "Come on, you two. We should go before the bell rings."

 

"Right-o, Mako-chan!" Nagisa stands up, freeing Makoto from his heavy weight in favor of moving closer to Rei. Rei rolls his eyes at Nagisa when he pesters him into moving faster, though he ends up organizing his things more quickly anyway. Rei stands up with Nagisa's help and dusts the seat of his pants off, before helping Makoto up himself. Haru watches them with a hint of impatience, just wanting to go back to class so he can get a doze in, though that impatience is eased when Makoto heads over to him with Rei and Nagisa falling behind because of a mild (and playful) argument.

 

"Sorry for making you wait, Haru," Makoto says, a finger scratching at his cheek as he takes up the space beside Haru. "Let's go?"

 

"Un." He nods, before making a small hand gesture for Makoto to lean into him.

 

"What is it?" Makoto asks, looking curious as he lowers his head.

 

He reaches a hand up to touch Makoto's cheek, letting his warm palm stay there before he raises his head and kisses Makoto on the lips; softly, fleetingly. It feels good in the most childish of ways; how can Haru be so happy from just a small peck on the lips? It's stupid. (And yet, he doesn't ever stop doing it. He doesn't want to.)

 

Unsurprisingly, Makoto jolts back as soon as it's over, looking worried as he looks back at Rei and Nagisa. He heaves a sigh when he realizes that they didn't notice anything, before directing a weak glare and frown in Haru's direction. He says, going for a scolding tone, "Haru, I told you we shouldn't do it in school. Or anywhere else public, for that matter!" He huffs, folding his arms over his chest as he straightens back up- most likely trying to look and sound intimidating. It doesn't work much, not when Makoto is still flushed red up to his ears in embarrassment. He looks inexplicably cute like this, even though he's far taller than Haru.

 

"It was just once," Haru says, not looking to argue. "Did you hate it that much?"

 

"Well, no," Makoto says, voice trailing off into a shy whisper. "I- I liked it. But we can't do it in public, you know that!"

 

"I don't care what people think," Haru says honestly, making Makoto flush an even darker red.

 

"You should," Makoto says, voice soft as he tugs his bag closer to himself. "People might misunderstand."

 

"Misunderstand what?" Haru asks, brows furrowed as he stares up at Makoto. The redness of Makoto's cheeks soon fade until his skin is back to its normal color, yet Makoto still hasn't answered his question. He says, a hand reaching out to touch him, "Makoto-"

 

"Sorry for making you both wait!" Nagisa cheerily interrupts, surprising Haru into taking his hand back. The smile is back on Makoto's face like he hadn't just said something confusing, though he's obviously still worried about something if Haru's going to go by the grip Makoto now has on his bag's straps. The bell rings just as Makoto and the other two descend from the steps, leaving Haru behind as he stares after Makoto's back.

 

"Haruka-senpai, is there something wrong?" Rei asks, looking up at him with a frown, apparently having noticed that he still hasn't moved a step.

 

"...nn. I'm fine." Haru nods, before following after them. Sneaking a glance at Makoto gets him a worried expression, his teeth worrying at his lower lip as he's prone to doing whenever he's feeling guilty. It makes Haru feel a little guilty himself, seeing as he almost always persists in telling Makoto that it's fine if people know. Makoto obviously isn't comfortable with making the relationship known to other people, so Haru should understand that, shouldn't he?

 

(And yet, even when he acknowledges that, the need to have people know continues to burn hotly like fire inside Haru's chest. He wants people to understand that Makoto is his, that no one can have Makoto like Haru has him.)

 

He matches Makoto's pace when Rei and Nagisa separate from them to head to their own classroom. He moves closer gradually, his thumb purposefully flicking out to brush against the back of Makoto's hand. Makoto jolts a bit in surprise and immediately turns his attention to Haru, who looks back up at him intently.

 

 _It's fine, Makoto,_ Haru says with his eyes, letting his hand brush against Makoto's as they head for their classroom. _I'm not angry._

 

"Haru," Makoto whispers, faltering in his steps. The surprised expression eventually fades back into Makoto's sincere smile, a tinge of pink on his cheeks as he nods. "Thank you."

 

"You don't have to thank me for something like that," Haru mumbles under his breath, turning his face away as they get back into their classroom. Makoto chuckles good-naturedly at his embarrassment, his hand reaching out to momentarily squeeze Haru's own just before they settle on their seats.

 

Haru flushes red at that, predictably enough, and his face which had been turned away snaps to the right as Makoto smiles at him. He turns his head away again when Makoto traces his thumb along the back of his hand, biting onto his lower lip to hide a smile even as Makoto slowly lets go.

 

They're fine.

 

\------

 

"Makoto."

 

Makoto blinks, looking down at the hand within Haru's grasp. They've already walked the distance to Haru's home, and Haru is sure that Makoto will head back to his own house if Haru doesn't stop him.  It's why he holds onto Makoto's hand, seemingly without preamble. "What's wrong, Haru?" Makoto asks, concern lacing his every word as he squeezes Haru's hand in his own.

 

"You should know," Haru grumbles, annoyed that Makoto has to ask. Surely, Makoto could understand just from looking at him?

 

"Eh," Makoto frowns, looking from their twined hands to Haru's face. It takes a minute for him to process (Haru can tell from the pensive expression on Makoto's face and the way that he's idly stroking the back of his hand). "Eh?" He repeats, a little louder, a surprised expression on his face as he looks back up at Haru. "Aren't you tired from school?"

 

"I'm never too tired," Haru says blithely, taking great amusement out of Makoto's flustered "huh?!" in response. "You don't want to?" He asks, not really trying to guilt-trip Makoto into going along with his whims, but honestly wanting to know if he was willing for it. You should respect the choices of your beloved, after all.

 

"I'm- it's not that I don't want to," Makoto says, looking away with one hand sheepishly scratching at his nape. "But I should probably tell my parents first that I'm going to stay at your place. Oh!" He turns to Haru, another smile on his face as he asks, "Did Haru want me to eat dinner with him too?"

 

"I don't mind if you want to," Haru says while looking up at Makoto, his firm gaze keeping Makoto from laughing out loud. "I'm only going to cook mackerel, though."

 

"I expected as much." Makoto sighs, his own hand squeezing Haru's. "I'll follow after you, okay? You go on ahead." He smiles that sweet smile of his, leaving a quick (and unexpected) peck on Haru's lips, before heading down to his own house.

 

Haru doesn't notice his hand, which had previously been in Makoto's grasp, gradually moving up until it's gripping tightly onto the cloth covering his chest.

 

_It felt good, having Makoto kiss him first._

 

 

\-----

 

 

"N-ne, Haru," Makoto whispers, his voice sending vibrations through Haru's skin as he keeps his lips pressed on Haru's shoulder. "Does it really feel good when I do it like this?" He asks, raising his head so that his lips are closer to Haru's ear. His hand jerks unintentionally every once in a while as he pumps it around Haru's cock and his palm is sweaty, but he still manages to keep a slow pace. It's just how Haru likes it, slow and relaxed,  although Makoto also knows Haru to like it fast every once in a while.

 

"Stop asking that every time, stupid," Haru grunts, baring his teeth and grazing them against the uncovered skin of Makoto's shoulder. Makoto squeaks at the feeling of sharp canines brushing against his skin, hand unknowingly squeezing around Haru's shaft as he immediately hides his face in Haru's shoulder.

 

" _Haru_ ," Makoto whines, voice becoming more high-pitched as he grazes his fingernail along the underside of Haru's length. The action earns him a grunt of complaint and a firmer grip on his own cock by Haru's hand, the cycle of karma ending on Haru's part as Makoto's breath hitches in response. "You're being un- _nn_ \- fair."

 

"I'm not," Haru says, nipping on the soft skin connecting Makoto's neck to his shoulder. Makoto makes a small sound at that, something close to a keen and a whine, and Haru feels himself coming even closer to the brink- how can't he, when Makoto is quivering before him like this? Trying so hard to stifle his moans with one hand, his other hand earnestly moving around Haru's length to make him come; the thought alone could make Haru reach his climax if he didn't control his urges.

 

"Makoto," he whispers. Makoto twitches at the sound of his name and raises his head to look at Haru, his hand slowing in its pace with his other hand lowering itself slowly, letting Haru see as Makoto licks his lips. _That was unnecessary_ , Haru thinks to himself in a grumble, pumping his hand faster around Makoto's cock. Makoto stifles a cry with his hand again when Haru continues with the quick pace, not once trying to lower his head as Haru keeps his gaze on him; Makoto's glassy eyes, his flushed face, his mussed up hair- all of it, only Haru is allowed to see. The mere thought makes the heat in his loins uncoil, forcing him to grit his teeth as he shifts closer to Makoto. "Makoto," he says again, moving his legs on Makoto's thighs so that they're both comfortable enough. Makoto jolts at the proximity, turning half-lidded eyes to Haru in confusion as he stops the movement of his hands.

 

"Haru..?" Makoto says hesitantly. He blinks twice in his bemusement, though his eyes almost immediately widen when he lowers his gaze to Haru's hand which is uncurling its fingers open to Makoto's length.

 

"I want to do it like this," Haru says, looking right into Makoto's eyes. He moves his hand for a moment to take Makoto's own, ignoring his own sweaty palm on the back of Makoto's hand as he wraps Makoto's fingers around his length. "Makoto."

 

"Nn," Makoto nods, eyes squeezed shut momentarily as he obediently moves his hand around both of their cocks. His hand that had covered his mouth is on Haru's shoulder now, gripping onto bare skin as he stifles his moans by biting onto his lower lip. It urges Haru to move his hand faster, consequently pushing Makoto into moving his hand faster as well since Haru's hand is covering his. "Haru, you're go- nn!- going too fast," Makoto pants, eyes squeezed shut once more.

 

Haru ignores it, if only because he knows that Makoto's not really complaining about the pace. It's that it will be over too soon if Haru doesn't stop, and Makoto has never liked reaching his climax earlier than Haru. _It's something cute about him, I guess_ , Haru thinks to himself.

 

"H-Haru," Makoto says, sounding breathless as he lowers his free hand to cover Haru's hand. "Haru," Makoto says again, voice cracking as his thighs jerk and quiver under Haru's legs.

 

"Mm," Haru grunts in understanding, slipping his hand out from under Makoto's grasp so he can twine his fingers with Makoto's. Makoto doesn't hesitate in squeezing Haru's hand once they're clasped together, his eyes still tightly shut as he moves his other hand faster without Haru's help. Haru bites back a sound when he feels Makoto's rough palm moving against his sensitive skin, his own eyes open and looking down at the sight of their cocks rubbing against each other.

 

"You can come, Makoto," Haru says as he raises his gaze, trying not to smile when Makoto makes a keening sound in response. No matter the fact that they do this a lot, Haru still can't help from being more turned on whenever Makoto seeks out his hand just before he climaxes. Nor can he ever bring himself to dislike just how Makoto makes these little pleased sounds whenever Haru says something vaguely commanding during sex.

 

"Haru, Haru, Haru," Makoto whimpers his name, fingers twitching as he quickens the pace of his hand on both their lengths. Haru's breathing deeply just as Makoto is, his eyes half-lidded as he watches Makoto struggle not to come before him. It's a futile effort; Makoto cries out just as Haru lowers his hand to toy with Makoto's sac, one finger slipping lower to tease at his taint. "Nn! Mm, ah," Makoto moans, leaning in close to hide his face in the crook of Haru's neck and shoulder. His whole body quivers for a moment as he comes, his grip on Haru's hand tight as he keeps his own hand moving around Haru's length.

 

It takes another whisper of "Haru" from Makoto before Haru comes, Haru's eyes clenching tightly shut as he grips onto Makoto's hand. He's a jittery mess once it's over, his breathing coming out in short pants as he leans with his forehead on Makoto's shoulder.

 

"Are you okay, Haru?" Makoto asks, words coming out in pants as Makoto's lips brush against Haru's ear.

 

"I'm fine," Haru replies, slowly gaining his composure as he breathes in the scent of the aftermath. "I want to take a bath."

 

"So predictable," Makoto says, voice teasing, to which Haru responds with a light nip on Makoto's shoulder. "Ow!"

 

"It wasn't even that hard, Makoto," Haru says. He pulls away after a while, not liking the overwhelming heat that always comes after they climax. He makes sure to be careful as he slips his legs off of Makoto's thighs, before standing up slowly and quickly wiping himself off using the tissue that Makoto always brings along. He throws it into the nearest bin before heading for the bath, not bothering to wait for Makoto even as he yells in complaint ("Really, Haru, you could've at least helped me clean up!").

 

Still, Haru can't help from getting a little impatient when Makoto takes too long to follow him into the bath. He just had to wipe himself off and throw the tissues away, didn't he?

 

The door slides open not long after the thought passes in Haru's mind and Haru makes sure to erase all traces of annoyance on his expression, but Makoto notices anyway. Makoto rolls his eyes up to the ceiling, looking exasperated as he shuts the bathroom door behind him. He's already stripped off his shirt before coming into the bathroom, leaving Haru's view of his whole body unobstructed- not that it matters, anyway. Haru already sees Makoto's naked body plenty of times because they still shower together whenever they can. "I wouldn't have taken so long if you'd just stayed and cleaned the mess up with me," Makoto says with a sigh, before sitting on the stool right beside the tub.

 

Haru gives Makoto a look as soon as Makoto turns to him. Makoto sighs again, a little louder this time. "I told you, you need to clean up those sorts of messes immediately, Haru. What if someone suddenly comes and visits? The smell is hard to get rid of if you don't clean it up right away!"

 

"Only you and Nagisa barge in without permission," Haru grumbles under his breath, looking more annoyed when Makoto turns his head away from him in favor of showering. "Makoto."

 

"Mm?" Makoto turns, the showerhead still soaking Makoto's hair as he keeps it up with one hand. Was it really that easy for Makoto to let go of his annoyance with Haru like that? "What is it, Haru?"

 

"...nothing. Never mind." Haru shakes his head, before lowering himself into the water until only the upper half of his face is visible.

 

"I can feel you pouting," Makoto says, chuckling when Haru makes a grumble-like sound under the water. "I'm not angry, so don't worry," he says, turning his head away again as he soaks under the spray of water. "Still," Makoto begins, lowering the showerhead so he can lather his body with soap, "you need to be a little less impatient when it comes to taking a bath, Haru. It's rude to just up and leave your partner right after you did it, after all.”

 

"Mm." Haru assents, raising himself from the water before turning his body around until Makoto is completely in his line of view.

 

"You're lucky that I don't mind it much," Makoto says with his back turned still, one of his hands reaching behind him to lather his lower back with soap.

 

"I know," Haru says in reply, making Makoto jolt in surprise. He hadn't expected Haru to respond to him at all, seeing as he was sure that Haru understood it to be Makoto just teasing him. "I'm lucky to have Makoto," Haru says. Makoto tries not to react openly even as he feels the piercing stare sending a prickly feeling along his spine, although he can't help the blush from heating up his face.

 

"Y-yeah," Makoto mumbles, the tips of his ears red as he moves his hand to the front again, lathering his legs with soap this time.

 

"I mean it," Haru says, even as Makoto hunches in on himself a little more, most likely because he's embarrassed.

 

"I get it already, Haru," Makoto says, voice rising in its pitch as he leaves the soap to get the showerhead again.

 

"You're embarrassed." Haru turns sideways, before moving both of his hands and settling them on the edge of the tub. He props his chin on top of his hands, a small amused smile on his face as he watches Makoto rinsing away the soap on his body.

 

"That's because Haru isn't usually like this," Makoto mutters loud enough for Haru to hear.

 

"You don't like it?" Haru asks, raising an eyebrow when Makoto turns to glance at him.

 

"I don't mind it," Makoto says, voice soft still as he turns his gaze away for a moment, turning off the showerhead as he sets it on the small counter under the mirror. "But it's really different from the usual you. You're not really this frank about things."

 

"That's because it's tiring to talk to people," Haru says.

 

"That doesn't explain the frankness, Haru," Makoto grumbles, looking away again as he reaches for the showerhead.

 

"That's because Makoto is dense," Haru replies. He returns to his blank expression when Makoto looks at him with a brow raised in disbelief.

 

"Eh?! How am I dense?" Makoto looks back at him with wide confused eyes, his elbows propped on his thighs as he gives up on reaching for the showerhead again.

 

"If I don't say how I feel about you, you won't get it," Haru explains. "Because you don't understand people's feelings about you."

 

"I don't get what you mean," Makoto says, voice trailing off into a confused mumble.

 

"It's because you're dense," Haru repeats, stifling a chuckle when Makoto makes a sound of complaint.

 

"Well, you’re being really confusing," Makoto says, an annoyed expression on his face as he half-turns to the front, reaching out for the showerhead and letting it soak his hair with water. He stops once all of the suds are gone, before standing up and setting the showerhead back to its holder.

 

"You don't get people's feelings about you because you're too focused on how they feel about themselves and others," Haru explains finally, surprising Makoto into looking back at him. While Haru's frankness is surprising in itself, having Haru say so much without him being irritated about it is infinitely even more surprising. Haru continues, looking down at the floor as he speaks, "That's why we worry about you; Rin especially."

 

"Why Rin?" Makoto asks, eyebrows furrowed as he sits back down on the stool.

 

Haru raises an eyebrow, telling Makoto without actually talking, _Rin doesn't get to be with you as often as we do, so he can't help it. You made him worry a lot when we were kids too._

 

"W-well, I guess," Makoto says, laughing with a sheepish smile as he rubs at his right elbow with his left hand. "But there's really nothing to worry about, though?"

 

 _Of course there is_ , Haru thinks, putting on an irritated expression. "People will end up taking advantage of you if you keep being so nice, Makoto." _A lot of girls like you as well, and you always have a hard time turning them down._

 

"That's because I don't want to hurt their feelings," Makoto explains, getting a "tch" from Haru in response. "What?" Makoto asks, looking almost offended as he turns his body fully to face Haru.

 

 _You'll hurt their feelings more if you keep them hoping, idiot_ , Haru grumbles internally.

 

"I didn't think Haru was this worried about their feelings," Makoto muses out loud, his earlier annoyance easily replaced with amusement. It's hard to stay annoyed when Haru's acting so cutely, after all. He goes out for a moment and leaves the door open in his wake, before coming back to the doorway with a towel around his waist and another towel being used to dry his hair out. He says, smiling this time, "I'd say that you should be like this more often, but you don't want a girlfriend yet, do you?"

 

 _What does that have to do with anything?_ Haru thinks to himself, looking away as he ducks back under the water.

 

"If you acted so honestly all the time, more girls would like you," Makoto says cheerily as he rubs the towel against his hair. "But you would just find that bothersome, wouldn’t you?"

 

 _I don't care if they like me._ Haru turns his gaze up to Makoto, before sitting straight back up. "I already have Makoto, anyway."

 

"Eh," Makoto says, pausing the movements of his hands in surprise. It takes a moment before Makoto laughs, a smile on his face as he says, "But that's different, Haru."

 

"How is it different?" Haru asks, his gaze rising a little higher as Makoto comes closer and holds out a hand to him. He sighs and takes Makoto’s hand, using it as support as he gets up on his feet. He heads out of the bathroom to grab a towel for himself once Makoto lets go of his hand, easily tying the towel around his waist and using another one to dry off his hair.

 

"We're both boys, so of course it's different," Makoto says as he heads out after Haru. He lets the towel hang around his shoulders once he's done with it and heads on out ahead of Haru, before turning back with a smile as he patiently waits for him to follow. "Don't you want a girlfriend, Haru?"

 

Haru, who had been in the middle of exiting the room, pauses in his steps and furrows his eyebrows. "No," he says seriously, looking up at Makoto with a bemused expression. He takes a while to stare at Makoto, consequently making Makoto feel nervous, before saying, "Does...does Makoto want one?"

 

"Huh? Oh, well," Makoto laughs, a tinge of pink in his cheeks as he leads them both to Haru's bedroom. "Not right now. I already have Haru anyway, right?" He smiles, and the words feel a little more like a joke than anything else. It makes something heavy settle in Haru's stomach, like a dreaded feeling rearing its head in his mind as he follows after Makoto.

 

"...yes," he says eventually, ignoring it. "You do."

 

 

\--------

==Two months ago==

\--------

 

 

"Rin, I'm serious."

 

" _Did I sound like I was joking to you?_ " Rin says over the phone, his irritation clear just from the sound of his voice. " _For god's sake, Haru. Take pity on the people who have to endure seeing your lovey-dovey antics every single day. I can't believe I took this call- which was a hell of a surprise, mind you- just to listen to you ranting about your not-boyfriend._ "

 

Haru sighs, thinking, _If only Rin wasn't so irritable. If only he could understand, like Makoto can._ In any case, his finger mostly just slipped when he looked for Rin's number. He honestly hadn't planned to call him...but the deed was done. Might as well make the best of the accident, right? Or so his grandmother would say. (Still, he can't help the niggling feeling in the back of his mind that this is a stupid idea.) "I can't just kiss him."

 

" _Yeah, well,_ " Rin huffs, " _ask him for permission if you have to. He'll most likely get the point then._ "

 

"Rin," Haru snaps, shoulders tense as he squeezes onto the phone in his hand.

 

" _Ugh_ ," Rin groans. " _Sorry. This would probably easier if you could talk to Makoto- but wait. You can't. Because you're a big baby who's scared of confessing to the guy you like- who_ likes you back _, by the way_."

 

"I know that Makoto likes me," Haru grumbles (he ignores Rin's " _wow, not too full of yourself, are you?_ "), "but I don't know if he likes me back in the same way."

 

" _Let me guess_ ," Rin says in a sigh, " _you don't want to ruin your friendship by confessing? You don't want him to feel awkward around you_?"

 

"Nn," Haru grunts in response, to which Rin laughs.

 

 _"Figures. I guess watching all those dramas has its good points,_ " Rin mumbles more to himself than to Haru. " _You seriously don't believe me when I say that he likes you back?_ "

 

"It's hard to, when you're not very observant yourself," Haru says glibly, stifling a smirk when Rin squawks in indignation.

 

" _Shut up, you_ ," Rin grumbles. " _At least I'm not wishy-washy like Makoto is. Honestly, I think you should snatch him up now before some conniving girl gets him._ "

 

"This isn't for fun, Rin," Haru says, curling in on himself a little further when the breeze that passes by his house makes his hair flutter from its strength.

 

" _And I'm not kidding_!" Rin says, voice dripping with exasperation and disbelief. _"I don't know what you know about love, but have you seen how he looks at you?_ "

 

There is silence on Haru's line that lasts for a minute. That is, until he says, "Yes."

 

" _Then you should know how he feels_ ," Rin says. Haru can imagine him running a hand through his hair in frustration, and he stifles a sigh of his own. " _That sort of look is reserved for people you really love, Haru. Makoto's been looking at you like that for god knows how many years. I can barely even remember a time when he wasn't with you, looking at you like that- or talking to you in the way that you do_."

 

"...I can't remember when it started either," Haru admits, feeling the small weight on his chest fading into nothing as he hears Rin chuckle on the other line.

 

" _See? I can't believe you guys still haven't gotten together even while I was gone_ ," Rin says with an exasperated sigh. " _You two really are stubborn idiots_."

 

"Aren't you one yourself, Rin?" Haru says, smirking when Rin starts to yell at him. "You're too noisy."

 

" _Fine, whatever_." Haru imagines Rin waving a hand in gesture, a resigned expression on his face as he says, " _I'm just being a concerned friend, but I guess that's not what you wanted._ "

 

"There's a difference between being concerned and being a busybody," Haru says, earning a loud sigh of annoyance from Rin.

 

 _"Well, Makoto is both, so why can't I be the same_?" Rin grumbles.

 

Haru folds his free arm over his knees, before propping his cheek up on it.  He says, "Makoto is different."

 

" _Yeah, obviously_ ," Rin mumbles. There's a sound of rustling clothes, which Haru assumes to be Rin's as he shifts on his bed. Most likely, he's already given up and just lied down on the bed from exhaustion. " _As cliché as it sounds, I think you should just tell him. The worst that could happen is that you'd...what, become boyfriends?_ "

 

"I'm starting to think that calling you was a stupid idea," Haru drawls.

 

" _Oi! Be grateful that I answered your call even though you never answer any of mine, Nanase!_ " Rin says, voice tinged with disbelief. " _Seriously_ ," he exhales loudly, _"you should learn to be more thankful to your friends_."

 

"I am," Haru says simply, catching Rin making a surprised noise on the other line. "I'm thankful that Rin is my friend, even though he can be really noisy and annoying."

 

 _"You're so full of shit_ ," Rin says with a laugh. There's a clicking sound on Rin's line (probably a door opening), a voice calling out " _Rin-senpai, I'm sorry I'm late!_ ", and Rin says, " _Sorry Haru, seems like I gotta go_. _Tell me how it goes if you ever tell him, you hear me?_ "

 

"Nn," Haru grunts, lowering his head until only his forehead is being supported by his arm folded on his knees. He waits for the beeping sound to start before shutting his phone off and setting it down. He hides his face in the space provided by his arms folded over each other and closes his eyes, breathing in deeply as he basks in the gentle breeze passing by him. It's a good source of comfort, considering how troubled he's feeling. It's even gotten to the point that the water can't soothe him because thoughts of how Makoto would respond keep bothering him from truly enjoying the water.

 

It's troublesome, having these feelings for his childhood friend.

 

 

\----

 

 

"Makoto," Haru whispers, reaching a hand out to Makoto's shoulder and shaking him. "Wake up, Makoto."

 

"Mm?" Makoto mumbles, sleepiness pervading his voice as he blinks bleary eyes at Haru. "Haru?"

 

"The twins are asleep," Haru says, cocking his head to the side to gesture to the two children who are sleeping on their laps. "Come on."

 

"Ah, right," Makoto whispers, yawning a bit, before rubbing at his eyes. He smiles sleepily at Haru before turning his gaze down to Ran, whose back is pressed onto Makoto's chest as she'd fallen asleep from watching the movie. Ren, on the other hand, is asleep with his face hidden in Haru's shirt, seeing as he'd been already sleepy since the first bit of the movie. (That, and he hadn't felt too comfortable with watching the couple kissing on the screen.) Haru gets up slowly just as Makoto does, having a little more of a hard time than Makoto as he heaves Ren into his arms.

 

"I'm fine," Haru says just before Makoto can offer to carry Ren for him. Makoto closes his mouth just as soon as he hears those words, a soft chuckle escaping him as he shifts Ran until she's more comfortable in his arms.

 

"I know, Haru," Makoto says as he heads for the door. He's smiling when Haru catches up to him, looking completely at ease despite the weight he's carrying as they head for the twins' room. He lets Haru set Ren on the bed first before following after him with Ran. "Good night, Ran, Ren," Makoto says, leaving light kisses on both of their foreheads as he tucks them in. He follows after Haru back to his room once he's sure the twins are comfortable and says, "Do you want to take the bed, or should I take out a futon?"

 

"We can both take the bed," Haru offers, raising an eyebrow when Makoto blinks at him in surprise.

 

"I don't think we can fit, Haru," Makoto says, hesitant as he eyes his bed. "I'm a bit too big, aren't I?"

 

"That's your fault, Makoto," Haru says. "Not mine."

 

"It's not like I could control it," Makoto grumbles, his drowsiness becoming clearer with each word. "I'll just take out a futon and Haru can sleep on the bed."

 

"I said it was fine," Haru says, looking annoyed when Makoto turns his head to look at him. "We can both take the bed." _I don't want Makoto to be uncomfortable._

 

"But _you'll_ be uncomfortable sleeping with me," Makoto whines, one hand scratching at his hair in frustration. The corner of Haru's lips twitch a bit at Makoto's wording, though he doesn't say anything out loud in reaction to it.

 

"I'll be fine." Haru heads to the bed and settles himself under the sheets, settling on the side of the bed pressed to the wall. He gives Makoto a blank look when Makoto continues to stare at him, the hesitation written all over his face as he walks up to the bed and stands before it. " _Makoto,_ " Haru grumbles in warning.

 

"Yes, alright," Makoto sighs resignedly, before slipping under the sheets and settling beside Haru. It's a tight fit, unsurprisingly, and Makoto's stiff shoulders are pressed against Haru's own when he settles in completely. "Sorry, Haru," Makoto says, looking and sounding far too apologetic for such a small problem. He shifts until he's on his side and facing Haru completely, a drowsy and sheepish smile on his face as he whispers, "I'll just sleep like this so it'll be more comfortable for you, okay?"

 

"Nn," Haru grunts in agreement, struggling to keep his eyes open as he watches Makoto close his own. He uses a hand to rub at his bleary eyes before opening them a little wider, watching Makoto as his breathing gradually slows through his slumber.

 

"Makoto," Haru whispers after a couple of minutes of watching Makoto sleep, half-hoping that he's still awake. Half-hoping, because he swears he'll tell Makoto his feelings if he is; half-not, because he knows it in his bones that he's scared to speak about those feelings out loud. What if Makoto doesn't accept them?

 

"Haru?" Makoto mumbles dazedly, blinking tired eyes open to look at Haru. "Is something wrong?"

 

"I want to kiss you," Haru blurts out in a whisper. He feels the thundering sound of his heartbeat in his ears just as soon at the words leave his lips, and he softly sucks in a breath, waiting for Makoto to say something in reply.

 

Makoto's eyes close for a moment and Haru thinks that he might've fallen asleep again, but they blink open just as quickly, turning their green gaze to Haru's blue ones in surprise. "What?"

 

"I want to kiss Makoto," Haru repeats, trying his hardest to will away the heat on his cheeks.

 

"H-Haru?" Makoto stutters, pulling away for a moment and subsequently making Haru's heart sink in disappointment- that is, until he uses the space between them to sit up. He asks, "You...you want to kiss me?"

 

"Don't make me repeat myself," Haru grumbles in embarrassment, hiding his quivering mouth with one hand when Makoto flushes red as well.

 

"I," Makoto trails off, looking embarrassed himself as he turns his head away from Haru, his clenched fist covering his own mouth while his knees are pulled up to his chest. "I wouldn't mind, if Haru wants to," Makoto mumbles through the hand covering his mouth, his eyes darting to Haru and back to his knees.

 

Haru takes a moment to process that, his eyes growing wider by the second as he finally acknowledges the meaning of Makoto's words. He sits up, feeling dizzy from the speed of his movement, though he disregards it as he stares at Makoto. "...really?"

 

"Don't make me say it again," Makoto mumbles, sounding annoyed, although Haru figures out that he's not when Makoto smiles at him.

 

"Idiot," Haru mutters, ignoring the heat on his cheeks as he crawls closer to Makoto. Makoto can only offer up a jittery laugh out of embarrassment, though that too is silenced when Haru leans in, both hands cupping Makoto's cheeks, and gently pecks Makoto on the lips. His eyes, which had been open the whole time, are graced with Makoto's completely flushed face when he pulls away.

 

"I like you," Haru whispers, looking into wide green eyes as he shifts his hands on Makoto's face so his sweaty palms don't touch his skin.

 

Makoto swallows, looking far too happy as he brings both of his hands up to cover Haru's own. It makes Haru's heart beat twice its normal speed, making him feel just as jittery as Makoto is. "I like Haru too," Makoto says shyly, his expression reminding Haru of when Makoto had first told him he liked him when they were children. But it's different this time, far more different, and it's infinitely better because Haru is fully aware of how he feels this time. He knows that he likes Makoto, and he knows that he wants Makoto to like him back.

 

_Makoto likes him back._

 

He makes an "nn" sound to let Makoto know that he heard him, his eyes squeezing shut as he leans in to hug him. It's the first time in a long time that they've embraced without it being with other people, and it makes Haru both nervous and happy because it's something novel on its own- but that's fine, he realizes, just as the relief settles in his bones when Makoto hugs him back with a small whisper of his name.

 

"I really, really like Haru," Makoto says into his ear with a soft laugh. Haru offers him an "mm" in agreement, his arms squeezing tightly around the middle of Makoto's back as he hides his face in Makoto's shoulder.

 

Those three words (" _I like you_ ") could never fully encompass what Haru felt, not after everything, not when he wants to say so much despite the fact that he isn't as good at communicating his feelings like Makoto can. It's one thing he dislikes about himself, but he's trying his best to change it. He's doing what he can to let his friends know how he feels in small steps, and while it's difficult, while he thinks that his words may not perfectly express what he feels, he thinks that maybe it'll be fine.

 

These words are enough, for now.

  

 

\------------------

==The present time==

\------------------

 

 

Despite the fact that Makoto's together with Haru now, their schedule still doesn't change. Sometimes, he picks Haru up from his house; on other times, he comes out and just waits for Haru to come by so they can go to school. That they're lovers doesn't change their routine, which Makoto thinks is perfectly fine. They don't really have to change anything when they're okay the way they are, right? Haru himself doesn't like change much, nor does Makoto, although Makoto can adapt well enough on his own. In any case, it's not like any drastic change will prove that they're really lovers. (How often has Nagisa even teased them about being a couple when they really weren't, anyway?)

 

"Ah!" Makoto looks up in surprise when he hears Haru's footsteps, a smile forming on his lips as he patiently waits for Haru to come down the steps. "Good morning, Haru. You're early today, huh?"

 

 _That's because I wanted to swim,_ Haru thinks, looking up at Makoto with a blank expression. "Let's go, Makoto."

 

"Yes, yes," Makoto says with a chuckle, following after Haru as they head to the train station. "You're going to race with Rin again today, aren't you?"

 

"Nn," Haru affirms with a grunt, his body radiating warmth as he keeps close to Makoto. That's one thing that changed, Makoto supposes. Haru usually wouldn't like such close contact with anyone else.

 

"I'm sure Haru will do well," Makoto says honestly with a smile. Haru nods in response and Makoto stifles an amused laugh, knowing well enough that Haru dislikes it when he does it so much. "It's nice how Rin's getting along with Rei though, isn't it? They both love reading books too," Makoto muses as he walks beside Haru. He knows that Haru is only half-listening, as he often is, but Makoto doesn't mind filling the silence with just his voice. "Well, at least there's someone to teach Rei how to improve on his butterfly now. They're pretty competitive with each other too, so I guess it helps in getting Rin off your back when you don't feel like racing him."

 

"Mm," Haru says absently. Makoto smiles at him before turning his gaze back to the front, leaving him unprepared when he feels fingers sliding into his half-open palm.

 

Makoto jolts a bit in surprise at the sudden contact and he looks down, incidentally catching Haru just as he slips his fingers further so that they're filling the spaces between Makoto's own. "H-Haru?" He asks, turning his gaze back up to Haru's face, before biting back a smile when he sees how embarrassed Haru looks. It's not that obvious from far away, though it's crystal clear considering Makoto's current proximity to him. "Okay," Makoto says to the unsaid question, a small smile on his face as he squeezes Haru's hand back. Haru makes an "nn" sound in reply, not at all trying to say anything more, although he does squeeze Makoto's hand back.

 

This is a cute side of Haru that Makoto's never seen before, so he thinks he can let it go without asking about it. It isn't right to embarrass Haru when all he wants is to hold Makoto's hand, after all. Makoto says, looking away from Haru and setting his line of sight to the ocean, "This reminds me of when Haru used to hold my hand whenever I was scared of something. But it's different now, isn't it?"

 

"Makoto is still a scaredy-cat," Haru says, getting a "hey!" of complaint from the aforementioned person.

 

"It's not like I can help from being scared," Makoto grumbles, squeezing Haru's hand in annoyance.

 

"I know," Haru says simply. Makoto chances a glance at him, just to see his reaction, and is surprised to see that Haru is smiling a small smile. It makes Makoto's heart beat a little faster, making him squeeze Haru's hand again in embarrassment as he turns his gaze away just as quickly as he'd started looking. Makoto can tell, just from how Haru squeezes his hand back, that Haru likes protecting Makoto in his own way. The hand holding onto his is a comfort on its own, but knowing that Haru means something else with it makes Makoto feel a little flustered in his happiness. This honesty from Haru is definitely new to him no matter how many times Haru shows it, and Makoto can't deny that he likes how Haru shows it more often now that they've fixed things with Rin.

 

That happiness is short-lived on his part, however, when he notices that they're nearing the station. There are a lot of other people, which isn’t surprising considering how it's a little late in the morning and it's a Saturday. He slips his hand out of Haru's as discreetly as he can, looking around to make sure that no one notices, before sighing in relief when he realizes that everyone else is too busy with their own business.

 

Surprisingly enough, he's met with an intensely unsatisfied look from Haru just as soon as Makoto looks at him. He keeps his mouth shut when he notices it, guiltily looking away as he takes hold of one of the handles hanging from the ceiling. He knows that it doesn't feel good to hide like this, but it's not like they have a choice. While he does appreciate how Haru doesn't care much for most things (saving Makoto the trouble that Rin brings, who cares too much about everything), he can't help from wishing for Haru to at least understand why it is he has to do this.

 

He just doesn't want Haru to be seen in a bad way because they're together. The people in Iwatobi are usually kind enough to not care for that sort of thing, but that doesn't mean that everyone is just as open to that sort of relationship between two men. As much as he loves Haru, it doesn't mean that he can forget how this sort of thing being shown to other people isn't completely safe. It would be better in the long-run, if Haru ever decides that he's not meant to be with Makoto anymore. Isn't it?

 

"I'm sorry, Haru," Makoto mumbles once they're off the train. Haru doesn't say anything in response, remaining silent as they head out of the station for Samezuka Academy. Makoto bites on his lower lip, trying not to let the guilt overwhelm him as he walks beside Haru. He only let go of Haru's hand for a good reason, didn't he? Couldn't Haru understand that?

 

"...it's fine," Haru says after a while, head still turned away, although Makoto can definitely feel him glancing back. _I know that you were worried, Makoto._

 

"Haru," Makoto whispers, his relief palpable as he lets his hand brush against Haru's for the shortest moment. The weight that had settled on his chest eases itself off, leaving Makoto a little happier as he smiles at Haru. Haru doesn't smile back, although he does let his own hand brush against Makoto's. It's enough of sign that Haru forgives him, so Makoto lets his guilt go.

 

It doesn't take long before they're in front of Rin's school, only to be enthusiastically greeted by Nagisa when they pass through the gate. "Haru-chan, Mako-chan! What took you guys so long?"

 

"We're right on time," Haru says in response. Makoto smiles, noting how Haru looks a bit put off at the thought that they could've gone earlier.

 

"I'm guessing you're both early because of Rei?" Makoto asks. Nagisa makes a face at his words, immediately turning to Rei with arms folded over his puffed up chest. Rei, meanwhile, puts on an offended look when Nagisa raises an accusing eyebrow at him, his hand immediately coming up to straighten his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

 

"Rei-chan insisted that we be early, so I had to wake up early too!" Nagisa says in complaint. "Really, Rei-chan, you could've just gone yourself if you were that excited to practice with Rin-chan!"

 

"Wh-" Rei sputters, hand freezing on his glasses before immediately lowering itself as he says, "That's not true at all, Nagisa-kun! It's only proper for us to be early so that Rin-san wouldn't have to wait!"

 

"Save your excuses, Rei-chan," Nagisa says in a low and serious voice, before chippering back up and saying, "Mako-chan, Haru-chan, let's go before Rin-chan gets impatient, ne?"

 

"Right," Makoto says with a smile, before turning to Haru with the smile reserved just for him. "Let's go, Haru."

 

"Un."

 

 

\------------------

 

 

"Mako-chan, are you okay?"

 

Makoto blinks himself out of his contemplative state and looks down at Nagisa, who is standing in front him within the pool. "I-I'm fine," Makoto manages to say, putting on a smile as he idly wiggles his feet in the water. "Just thinking."

 

"You're sure?" Nagisa needles, looking askance at Makoto as he floats a little closer. "You know you can tell me anything, right Mako-chan?"

 

"Yes?" Makoto says, making a confused face as Nagisa frowns at him. "I'm really fine, Nagisa. There's nothing to worry about."

 

"I don't believe you," Nagisa huffs, folding his arms on his chest, though the action is done a little slower considering how it's underwater. "Really, Mako-chan, you can't keep all your problems to yourself, you know? What's the point of friends if you don't tell them anything?"

 

"But I really am fine?" Makoto says, trying not to look nervous even as Nagisa leans in a little closer to observe him. While he honestly was worried about something, it wasn't really bad enough for it to be a problem. He could handle it just fine, and it wasn't like he could openly talk about it to Nagisa. After all, Nagisa still didn't know that he and Haru were together in a romantic sense. How could he even explain to him that he was feeling a little melancholic at the thought that Haru would eventually have to break off their relationship to find a girl he can be with? Haru had always wanted to live an ordinary life, after all, and that sort of thing couldn't happen with Makoto.

 

"Mako-chan, you really suck at lying," Nagisa says bluntly, making Makoto sputter in surprise. "Haru-chan! Yoohoo, Haru-chan!" Nagisa calls out, waving an arm wildly just as Haru finishes another lap in the pool. "Mako-chan looks down about something and he's lying to me!"

 

"Nagisa!" Makoto yells in disbelief. He squeaks in surprise when Haru's gaze immediately snaps to them, his frown clear despite the distance as he swims his way to the energetic pair. "Now you've got Haru worried about nothing," Makoto whines under his breath, looking put off as Nagisa happily waits for Haru to reach them.

 

"What's wrong, Makoto?" Haru asks as soon as he resurfaces, his whole expression telling of his concern as Makoto sighs and hides his face in his hand.

 

"It's really nothing, Haru," Makoto says, slowly sliding his hand away as he smiles wryly at Haru. "Nagisa was just being a worrywart."

 

"Lies, Mako-chan! You looked like you were thinking about something really sad, so I had to ask if you were okay!" Nagisa insists, making Makoto grumble in annoyance. "I'm not lying, Haru-chan!"

 

"Makoto," Haru says again, looking far too serious that Makoto can't help from feeling guilty again. He couldn't tell Haru either that he was thinking about all sorts of stupid things, unless he wanted Haru to get angry with him. (He didn't want that, obviously.)

 

"I'm really fine," Makoto says, sighing when Haru continues to fix his concerned stare at him. "I was just thinking."

 

"Thinking about what, exactly?" Nagisa asks, wading closer, before grabbing onto the edge of the pool and pulling himself up so he's sitting beside Makoto. "Tell us, Mako-chan!" He says with a grin.

 

"I was thinking of how to improve with my backstroke," Makoto settles for saying, smiling despite how suspicious Haru's stare at him is. "Haru, aren't you going to swim some more? We'll have to go soon."

 

"Makoto is more important," Haru says seriously. Nagisa’s grin widens at the admission and he turns to look at Makoto, who can't help his eyes from widening in surprise at the honest words. "Are you sure you're fine?"

 

"I really am, so," Makoto says, trying not to let his embarrassment show as much at being caught in surprise by Haru's frankness. "You can go back to swimming, Haru. You too, Nagisa," he adds, smiling even as Nagisa puffs his cheeks at him.

 

"Don't think this is over, Mako-chan," Nagisa says in a foreboding tone, making Makoto tense in nervousness for a moment, until Nagisa stops to give him another grin before jumping back into the pool.

 

"Are you sure you're fine?" Haru asks again just as Nagisa leaves, surprising Makoto into looking back up at him.

 

"I'm really okay," Makoto insists. "I'll go back to swimming too, so Haru should as well."

 

There's a pause for silence just as Makoto stands up from the edge of the pool, until Haru nods. "Fine," he says, eyeing Makoto for a moment with a tinge of concern in his gaze, before reluctantly going back to his own lane to the very center. Makoto watches him go with a sigh, trying not to let his relief show on his face as he heads for the diving board.

 

He doesn’t want Haru to worry about that sort of thing like he is. After all, he already accepted Haru’s feelings, hadn’t he? So he should be happy with that like Haru is, and not think of depressing things like breaking up or separating.

 

It’s not as if he hasn’t already prepared himself to smile when Haru eventually finds happiness with another person, anyway.

 

 

\------------

 

 

"Makoto-senpai," Rei calls out to Makoto just as he finishes shrugging on his jacket, the two of them having been left behind when Nagisa and Haru headed out before them to talk with Rin. "Could I talk to you for a moment?"

 

"Of course, Rei," Makoto says with a smile, looping the sling of his bag around his shoulder. "What is it?"

 

"I know that it's none of my business, but I couldn't help from noticing how troubled you looked a while earlier," Rei mumbles, looking both nervous and embarrassed as he clutches onto the strap of his duffle bag. Makoto's smile falters a bit at the reminder, although he immediately replaces it with another (smaller) smile when Rei peeks up at him. "Nagisa-kun talked to you about it earlier, of course, but I- it's completely understandable if you don't want to talk about it now, but I'm here if senpai needs someone to talk to!"

 

"That's kind of you," Makoto says, his smile a little more sincere when Rei finishes speaking. Rei honestly is worried, and while it makes Makoto feel bad for lying, it makes him feel a little happy to know that Rei is open enough to talk to him about his concern. "I honestly am fine, though."

 

"Of course, I'm not doubting you, Makoto-senpai," Rei insists as he straightens up. He goes back to slumping forward a little, though, when he whispers, "Could the problem be between you and Haruka-senpai? I- I didn't mean to pry, but," he trails off, looking pained, "I accidentally saw the two of you kissing at the rooftop, so I was wondering if it had something to do with that..?"

 

"Wh-what?" Makoto says, feeling the temperature drop drastically- or could it be just his body betraying his senses? He licks his too dry lips, his left hand rising to rub nervously at his right elbow. "That's- maybe you were seeing things, Rei-"

 

"I'm completely fine with it, of course!" Rei says quickly, looking half-panicked as he straightens back up again. "I'm not judging either of you, and I think it's fine to love who you love. So, there's no need to be afraid, Makoto-senpai!"

 

"Rei, really," Makoto begins, his own voice sounding weak to him as he scratches dull nails against his right elbow. "Are you sure you weren't seeing things?" He knew that it was a futile effort to insist that Rei hadn’t really seen what he’d seen then, but still- he couldn't just leave it like this. No one was meant to know (not even Makoto's parents knew, surprisingly), but if Rei found out...

 

What could he even do to salvage the situation at this point?

 

"I'm certain," Rei says, although he begins to look doubtful after a minute or two. "Does Makoto-senpai want me to pretend that I saw nothing?"

 

Makoto lets his eyes fall shut for a moment as he breathes in, before opening his eyes again to the sight of Rei looking worriedly at him. "It's fine." He says, trying to sound comforting, "It's not like I can pretend that you didn't see it. You didn't," he trails off for a moment, idly rubbing at his elbow still, "you didn't tell anyone else, did you?"

 

"Of course not, Makoto-senpai!" Rei says, voice firm. His firm expression falters again for a moment, and he adds hesitantly, "I tried my best to keep Nagisa-kun from telling anyone as well, although I can't be sure with him..."

 

"Aah," he makes a sound of understanding, a weak smile on his face as he digests the fact that two people already know about him and Haru without their knowing it. "I think Nagisa can keep something like that a secret, at least."

 

"Ohh? Are Rei-chan and Mako-chan talking about me?" Nagisa's voice calls out, breaking the awkward silence that was sure to have come had it not been for him. Makoto jolts into attention when he hears the door to the locker room open, his hand squeezing around his elbow just as Nagisa bounds in with a grin. He says, a mockingly serious expression on his face as he tones his voice down to a whisper, "Ne, Mako-chan, did Rei tell you what we saw on the rooftop yet?"

 

"N-Nagisa-kun! Please don't make it sound like we were deliberately trying to eavesdrop," Rei pleads, looking the tiniest bit worried as he looks from Nagisa to Makoto. His worried expression only intensifies when he notices Makoto's pallid face, and he asks, "Makoto-senpai? Are you alright?"

 

"Yeah, Mako-chan," Nagisa says, dropping his cheery tone as he comes closer, a hand reaching out to touch Makoto's neck, before immediately pulling away with a yelp of surprise. "You're freezing, Mako-chan! Rei-chan, what did you say to him?!"

 

"I just told Makoto-senpai that we both knew!" Rei cries in a panicked state. "Makoto-senpai, really, are you alright?!"

 

"Oi, what's with the noise?" Rin's voice echoes into the locker room before Makoto can respond. He walks in with a raised brow, looking as unamused as always, although that expression wavers just as easily when he turns his gaze to Makoto. "Makoto? Hey, you don't look so good. What did you guys do to him?" Rin asks, looking annoyed as he eyes both Nagisa and Rei.

 

"I'm really fine," Makoto says, raising both of his open palms up to reassure the others, despite the fact that he honestly didn't feel as good as he did when he arrived with Haru. "I think I might've just made myself a little overwhelmed when I swam earlier; I'll be okay in a while!"

 

"You're lying," Haru says, making Makoto stammer in surprise when he notices him. Most likely, he'd followed after Rin, which explains why Makoto hadn't seen him come in. "What did Rei and Nagisa tell you?"

 

"Haru, really-" Makoto tries to say, although his words are cut off when Rei speaks up.

 

"I told Makoto-senpai that I saw him and Haruka-senpai k-kissing on the rooftop the day before!" Rei cries, before bowing forward in apology. "I'm sorry if it shocked you, Makoto-senpai!"

 

Makoto's eyes widen at the words and he immediately turns his gaze up to Haru and Rin, the pair of them looking just as surprised as Makoto is. "Nn," Makoto half-whimpers in admission, a resigned smile on his face as he turns to Rei. "It's fine, Rei," he says, reaching a hand out to pat Rei on the shoulder. Rei stiffens at the touch but eventually relaxes, straightening up into a stand as he looks worriedly up at Makoto. "It's not like you meant to see it, ne? It's okay." He lets his hand fall away from Rei's shoulder only when Rei begins to smile in relief, before turning to Haru with a sheepish smile of his own. "It looks like we've been found out, Haru. I'm sorry."

 

"Stupid," Haru grumbles, his relief clear from his eyes as he walks up to Makoto. Makoto lowers his head, expecting Haru to berate him more and already accepting whatever his words may be- though he's instantly shocked into stiffness when Haru chooses to lean up and kiss him right on the lips, a small peck that's enough to assure Makoto that Haru isn't really angry. "You didn't need to worry about them finding out, Makoto."

 

"Haru..?" Makoto says, trying not to react openly to Haru's lightly flushed face when he pulls away. Of course, while Haru had chosen to kiss him, it didn't mean that he was any less embarrassed. He was just as open to being publicly affectionate as Makoto was, which Makoto wasn't.

 

"They're our friends," Haru mumbles, warm hands rising to cup Makoto's cheeks, before pinching him lightly just around his jaw. Makoto yelps at the stinging pain, though he doesn't do much to complain when Haru continues to say, "Of course they'd accept us."

 

"Obviously," Rin grumbles, jolting Makoto and Haru back into reality as they turn their line of sight to him, Haru's hands lowering so that they're right by his sides.  "What did you take us for, Makoto? Besides, it wasn't like we couldn't tell before that whole incident, you know? Which I only just found out about now, by the way." He turns his glare to Haru, who narrows his eyes in response. "You owe me for that hour spent talking about Makoto, Nanase."

 

"Nn," Haru grunts in acquiescence. Makoto makes a confused sound at the words and turns his gaze down to Haru, who sighs when he looks back at Makoto. "I accidentally called Rin and decided to make the most of it by talking to him about," he trails off, looking mildly embarrassed, "...my feelings, for you."

 

"You told Rin?" Makoto asks, surprise tainting his tone as he whips his gaze back up to Rin, who is looking at them with a mild amount of annoyance.

 

"It's not like he could talk to you about it," Rin mumbles, "and it's not much of a good idea to talk to Nagisa, considering how most of his tips aren't really helpful."

 

"I'm offended, Rin-chan!" Nagisa huffs.

 

"Yeah, yeah," Rin drawls, folding both of his arms over his chest. "Rei would probably give too much of a technical answer that would just get Haru confused, so that's a no-go too."

 

"My advice would have been very helpful if Haruka-senpai asked for it!" Rei defends himself instantly, a hand reflexively coming up to push his glasses up a little higher.

 

"Not everything is explainable through theory, Ryuugazaki," Rin says with a sneer.

 

"Let's not argue now, you two!" Nagisa interrupts before Rei can say anything in response. "So you see, Mako-chan? We're all really okay with you and Haru-chan being together." He smiles, looking as cheery and supportive as ever as he leans over with both of his hands clasped behind him. "We already saw it coming years ago, you know? You've both been really close when I first met you, and I was a bit jealous of that," Nagisa trails off, before continuing with his chipper tone once more, "but I have Rei now ("Nagisa-kun?!"), so it's okay!"

 

"Saw it coming..?" Makoto repeats, a mixture of relief and confusion welling up in his chest as he turns to Nagisa. "What do you mean, Nagisa?"

 

"Geez, you don't get it? What an idiot couple," Rin grumbles, glaring back at Haru when Haru glares at him. "Do I really have to explain it? I was always annoyed whenever you two started talking to each other without using words, for god's sake! How can it not be obvious to the both of you?"

 

"Yeah, Mako-chan!" Nagisa agrees fervently. "You could always tell what was on Haru-chan's mind without trying, you know?"

 

"But that's because we've known each other for a long time," Makoto explains feebly. He shuts up once he looks down and notices Haru raising a judgmental eyebrow at him. He says, hesitant, "Even Haru agrees with Rin?"

 

"Un," Haru makes a sound in agreement. Makoto refrains from making a sound when Haru reaches out to him, his hand warm on Makoto's cold skin as he covers Makoto's hand. "Rin could've been my childhood friend instead of Makoto, but he wouldn't have been able to understand me like you could."

 

"I still don't know how you do it, Makoto," Rin admits with a weary sigh. "It's really something. So," he begins, looking menacing as he slaps a hand on Makoto's shoulder, making Makoto squeak in surprise, "don't even try to pull that "but we knew each other since we were kids!" shit. Yeah? And try to think of your friends when you finally get together! Here we were, thinking that you two were still dancing around each other like stubborn idiots- but you were already together, _apparently._ "

 

"We'd like it very much if you could trust us with those sorts of things, Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai," Rei adds, a small smile on his face when Makoto and Haru turn to look at him. "You have our full support, no matter what."

 

"What Rei-chan said!" Nagisa agrees with a wide grin, just as he loops his arm around Rei's elbow. "So you shouldn't worry about what we think, ne? We always thought that Haru-chan and Mako-chan fit best, anyway!"

 

"You guys," Makoto whispers, a smile growing on his face as his earlier worry fades into an overwhelming sense of relief.

 

"Group hug!" Nagisa yells with a punch to the air, swiftly dragging Rei to Makoto and Haru before pouncing on them with wide-open arms. Rin rolls his eyes at their antics but joins in anyway, a grin on his face as he laughs and ruffles both Makoto's and Rei's hair.

 

Makoto can't stop the tears from brimming in his eyes, if only because he'd honestly been scared of what the three of them would think if they knew that he and Haru were together. He had always been prepared for judgment if the time ever came that someone found out about his feelings towards Haru, and he knew how to remain strong despite those fears and worries- but the thought of Haru being dragged down with him was already too much for him to handle on his own. "It's okay, Makoto," Haru whispers when Makoto sniffles a bit, his warm hand coming up to wipe the tears before they can fall. Haru smiles a small smile at him, its warmth great on its own as he looks up at Makoto. "It's okay."

 

Makoto ends up crying a little more than he wants to, his large arms encompassing most of their group in the embrace. Rin, Nagisa and Rei laugh as they hug him back, and while Haru isn't as enthusiastic as the others, it's enough to see him smiling so warmly at him.

 

 

\-----------

 

 

"That's the first time I've seen Makoto cry ever since we left elementary school," Haru whispers just as Makoto tucks himself into the lone futon that Haru had set inside his bedroom. Haru reaches out a hand, not as hesitant as he usually would be as he places it on Makoto's cheek. _I'm glad that it was because you were happy._

"Is it?" Makoto asks, smiling softly as he covers Haru's hand with his own, his fingers curling in around Haru's palm. "It was really embarrassing, wasn't it? A big person like me, crying like that," he murmurs, thumb tracing circles on the back of Haru's hand. "Haru must have felt embarrassed for me."

 

"No," Haru says, his own thumb idly rubbing against Makoto's cheek. "I think it's fine. It's not bad to cry when you feel happy."

 

"Mm," Makoto hums in agreement, his eyes closing as he yawns softly. He blinks his eyes open just as his mouth shuts, and he asks, "Are you sure you don't want to sleep on the bed, Haru? I don't mind just sleeping here."

 

 _Don't be stupid_ , Haru grumbles internally, making Makoto laugh in amusement as he squeezes Haru's hand gently.

 

"Sorry," Makoto apologizes, not sounding apologetic at all as he shifts closer to Haru, moving Haru's hand away from his cheek so that their palms are now pressed together with their fingers filling the spaces between each other's hands. He breathes in, soft and quiet, and closes his eyes just as he admits, "I like lying with you like this."

 

"I know," Haru murmurs. Makoto opens his eyes at those words and smiles, taking in the sight of Haru lightly blushing in embarrassment.

 

"It makes me really happy to hold you, like this," Makoto says as he lets go of Haru's hand, only to wrap his arm around the curve of Haru's waist. Haru "nn"s  at the movement and doesn't complain, his blue eyes half-lidded as he watches Makoto come closer. "I'm happy that you're with me."

 

"I'm," Haru trails off, gaze dropping to Makoto's chest, "I'm just as happy." Makoto's smile widens at that and he brings himself closer, feeling a sense of relief and calm wash over him as he feels Haru wrapping his own arm around Makoto's waist. Haru mumbles, soft enough that Makoto has to duck his head down for a moment to hear, "If not more so."

 

"Haru," Makoto murmurs, his whisper fading into a soft laugh as he embraces Haru, picking up Haru's scent (it's more of chlorine than anything else) as he breathes in with his nose pressed against Haru's hair.

 

"Go to sleep, Makoto," Haru mumbles into his shirt, his hands gripping tightly onto Makoto's back.

 

"Okay," Makoto replies with a smile, his voice just as soft as he presses a kiss against Haru's hair. "Good night, Haru."

 

"Nn," Haru mumbles, face still hidden in Makoto's shirt as he shifts his other arm so that it's lying in the space between them. His left arm remains around the middle of Makoto's back as he closes his eyes, his hand remaining clutched onto the back of Makoto's shirt as he murmurs, "Good night, Makoto."

 

 

\---------------------

 

 

"I'm really sorry, but I can't accept your feelings," Makoto says, a gentle smile on his face as he bows his head to Asakura, who is a classmate of theirs since last year. He honestly hadn't expected her to confess her feelings towards him, he hadn't even known that she liked him in that way, but that didn't mean that he didn't appreciate her courage in confessing. "But, Asakura-san is a very kind and sweet person, so I'm sure someone else will come along who you'll like more, and who will like you back as well."

 

"It's okay, Makoto-kun. I understand," she says, her eyes a bit teary as she smiles at him. Makoto's heart throbs in his chest looking at her, an unbidden feeling of pity welling in his chest as he thinks of how it must feel to have her feelings rejected by the person she likes. "Could...could I ask why, though? Is there someone else you like?"

 

"Eh?" Makoto stammers in surprise. "Well, I- I guess it's something like that?"

 

"Is it Kou-chan?" Asakura needles.

 

Makoto feels a cold sweat forming on his nape at the question, and he smiles nervously. "No, of course not- n-not to say that Kou isn't a wonderful lady, because she is! But I...I like someone else, Asakura-san."

 

"Oh," Asakura murmurs, looking disappointed as she nods her head. "I see. Well," she smiles, looking up at him, "it's a pity that Makoto-kun doesn't like me back, but I guess that's okay. You were very kind to me, after all." She giggles. "Anyway, I wish you luck with the person you like! I'm sure she'll be very happy to know that such a sweet person like you likes her."

 

"Thank you, Asakura-san," Makoto mumbles, a light flush of red on his face as he accepts her compliment with a bow of his head. He watches her go with a contemplative expression, waiting for her to be out of sight from the pool before letting out a sigh of relief. No matter how often these confessions happen, it never prepares him for the sad feeling that he gets whenever he rejects each one of them. ("Well you wouldn't have to endure it if you just told everyone that you already have Haru-chan!" Nagisa would say, though it's clear why Makoto can't actually do that. It's a dangerous thing, being with someone of the same gender.)

 

"Are you done, Mako-chan?" Nagisa mock-whispers from behind him, making Makoto yelp in surprise. "Did I scare you? Sorry, sorry." Nagisa's grinning as he says it, which makes it hard to believe that he's sorry at all.

 

"Don't sneak up on me like that, Nagisa," Makoto whines, following after Nagisa as they return to the pool. Haru is still swimming when Makoto looks for him, which is normal enough that Makoto can't help from smiling. Rei, meanwhile, is swimming in the lane next to him, his butterfly stroke having improved after all of Rin's help.

 

"I wasn't sneaking up on you, though! I was just observing to make sure that your virtue wouldn't be taken away," Nagisa argues, making Makoto sputter in disbelief. "Really, Mako-chan," Nagisa says, lowering his voice as he leans into Makoto's space, "you should be more careful! Even Haru-chan can get jealous, you know?"

 

"But there's no reason for him to be jealous?" Makoto says, turning to Nagisa with an amused smile. "I wouldn't leave Haru to be with anyone else, Nagisa."

 

"I know, Mako-chan, I know," Nagisa says, nodding solemnly as he pats Makoto on the shoulder. "But that doesn't mean anything to a man who can't be openly proud of his lover!"

 

"Nagisa!" Makoto yelps in surprise, slapping a hand on Nagisa's mouth before he can say any more.  He looks around, his shoulders stiffening in nervousness when he notices Kou eyeing them both in suspicion. He hisses, voice a little softer so she can't hear, "You really need to stop saying things like that!"

 

"Mmmffmmf!" Nagisa grumbles, voice muffled as he tries to pry Makoto's hand off. He sucks in a breath once Makoto lets off, before exclaiming in an annoyed tone, "It's true, Mako-chan! Even though Haru-chan isn't really lovey-dovey with you, that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to show you off! Don't you want people to know that you're with Haru-chan too?"

 

"N-no, I really don't," Makoto mumbles weakly, feeling the cold sweat that had formed earlier dripping down his nape. "It's not that easy, Nagisa. You, Rei and Rin accepted us, but that doesn't mean that everyone will."

 

"Oh yeah? How about we ask Gou-chan? Gou-chan! Ne, I've got something to ask!" Nagisa calls out as soon as the idea pops up in his head, completely ignoring Makoto's protests as he jogs over to Kou.

 

"I told you to call me Kou," Kou grumbles. She sighs after a while, her tense shoulders relaxing into a slump as she acknowledges that Nagisa won't change. "Well," she begins, looking from Nagisa to Makoto with a confused expression, "what is it?"

 

"I-it's really nothing," Makoto says in a weak tone, trying to pull Nagisa back with both hands on his shoulders, though it's a futile effort when Nagisa easily breaks free from him. "Nagisa!"

 

"Ignore him, Gou-chan," Nagisa murmurs loudly. "But! I was going to ask if it would matter if Mako-chan and Haru-chan were a couple! Does it, Gou-chan?"

 

"Eh?" Kou blurts out in surprise, turning her wide-eyed gaze back up to Makoto. "Ehhh?! Really, Makoto-senpai?!"

 

"Nagisa, why did you have to say it like that?!" Makoto groans, slapping a hand to his face as Kou continues to make bewildered noises at him. "R-really, Kou-chan, it's not- Nagisa didn't-"

 

"It's true," Haru intones from behind Makoto, making Makoto jolt in surprise at not having noticed him getting out of the pool.

 

"Eh," Kou mumbles, her now narrowed eyes locking its gaze on Makoto, before moving on to Haru. "Since when, Haruka-senpai?"

 

"Three months ago," Haru answers simply.

 

"Ehh?! That's such a long time!" Kou exclaims, her expression looking like a cross between disbelief and annoyance. "I-I mean, it's fine with me," she stutters, having gathered her wits enough to soften the tone of her voice so as not to offend them both, "but you could have told me sooner! I wouldn't have minded!"

 

"Is Gou-chan angry that we didn't tell you our secret? You don't have to be! At least we told you now, ne?" Nagisa says, laughing when Kou huffs at him in exasperation.

 

"Really, you guys are the worst," she mumbles grumpily as she folds both of her arms over her chest. She raises her gaze to look behind them, making Makoto look back to see that Rei rose from the pool to join their discussion. "Did you know too, Rei-kun?"

 

"Y-yes," Rei says in a stammer, tensing up when Kou squints her eyes at him. "It wasn't my right to tell you, so!"

 

"He's right," Makoto says with a weary sigh, a hand coming up to scratch at his temple. The nervousness from earlier at Kou's reaction gave way to relief before Makoto even realized it, though it's not like he's going to complain about it. He should've expected that Kou wouldn't mind, seeing as she was such a kind person herself (though Makoto still found it weird how she liked muscles so much). "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Kou-chan."

 

"Mmm," Kou bites onto her lower lip, her frown wavering in the face of Makoto's sheepish smile. "Aah, whatever," she moans, supporting her cheek with her open palm. "You told me in the end, and that's what matters. Honestly though, you don't have to hide that sort of thing from me! I mean, I hadn't expected it at all- but I guess it's okay, so long as you're both happy. Ne?" Kou smiles, looking at Makoto and Haru as she says so.

 

"Aa," Haru agrees with a nod, afterwards glancing at Makoto through the corner of his eyes. Makoto smiles in question when he notices the look sent his way, though all Haru offers as an answer are a sigh and a shake of his head. He goes back to the pool soon after, his business of affirming his relationship with Makoto apparently done that he can't bother to stay out of the water anymore.

 

Makoto sighs at that, shaking his head in amusement, before turning to Kou with a smile. "I'm glad you don't mind, Kou-chan."

 

"It's not my place to judge either of you," Kou says, her smile sincere as she adds, "and it's not like it's hurting anyone, is it? But!" Kou exclaims, making Makoto freeze in nervousness. "Don't let this bother your swimming practice, alright? You better make sure of that, Makoto-senpai!"

 

"Y-yes!" Makoto agrees immediately, straightening up in his posture when Kou leans over and narrows her eyes at him.

 

"Good!" Kou says after a moment spent on staring intently at Makoto, a smile on her face as she steps back to give him space.  "You have my full support, Makoto-senpai. So don't give up, alright?"

 

Makoto breathes out a sigh at that, the smile returning to his face as he nods. "Thank you, Kou-chan. And I won't."

 

She nods with a grin at that, before heading back over to the pool where Rei is only just getting onto the diving board. Makoto watches them both with a relieved smile, the tension seeping out of his body with the sigh that falls from his lips.

 

"That's another weight off your shoulders, right Mako-chan?" Nagisa says to Makoto, a grin on his face as he nudges Makoto's arm with an elbow.

 

"Huh?" Makoto asks, tearing his gaze from Haru in favor of sending a surprised look Nagisa's way. "What makes you say that, Nagisa?"

 

"It's not just Haru-chan who notices how you're doing, you know?" Nagisa says. His smile is an affectionate one when he directs it to Makoto. "I get worried about Mako-chan too, and I know that you've been thinking about what people will think if they find out about you and Haru-chan."

 

Makoto sucks in a breath at those words, not having expected Nagisa to be so precise in his guess as to what his problem is. Had he been that obvious?

 

"Ah, I got it right, didn't I?" Nagisa says, looking proud as he straightens to a stand. "See? It's not just Haru-chan who can tell if you're feeling bad or nervous about something, Mako-chan. I've always been your friend too, so I can tell when you're feeling sad! Not as good as Haru-chan can, though," he mumbles, looking disappointed. "But I guess that may be because Haru-chan has known you longer. He also loves you a lot more, right?"

 

"No, I don't think that's it," Makoto mutters, hiding his embarrassment at Nagisa's words with a smile. "I'm sorry for making you worry, Nagisa." He laughs when Nagisa frowns, adding, "But...thank you. I'm glad that you understand."

 

"Aw, Mako-chan," Nagisa grins, laughing as he bumps his shoulder into Makoto's arm. "You don't have to thank me for something like that! That's what best friends are for, right? Anyway," Nagisa says, looking thoughtful, "if anyone ever decides to bully you and Haru-chan, you can always just call Rin-chan! His teeth could scare any bully off!"

 

"That's true," Makoto says, laughing as he gently nudges Nagisa back. "Come on, let's start on our laps before Kou-chan gets angry again."

 

"Yes, Makoto-buchou!" Nagisa says with a salute, before laughing and going on ahead to his lane. Makoto follows after him with a grin of his own, the relief settling in his chest like it was always meant to be there.

 

While he knows that he can't just let go of his fear, and while he knows that the world isn't as nice as it should be, he thinks that he can handle it a little better this time.

 

He has his friends to back him and Haru up, after all.

 

 

\---------------------

 

 

"Haruka-senpai is getting noticed more, isn't he," Rei says, voice turning into a mumble as he glances over to Makoto, who can only reply with a lightly bemused smile. Bemused, because he doesn't see what Rei has to be worried about when Haru's just being confessed to.

 

"I think it's nice," Makoto admits, idly fiddling with the cloth tied around his bento. He chuckles, says, "Not a lot of girls liked Haru back when we were younger, though there were a few of them that I always noticed watching Haru whenever he swam. It's not surprising, considering how beautiful Haru looks when he swims."

 

"Right?" Nagisa agrees with a fervent nod. "But, Mako-chan, aren't you a little bit jealous that Haru-chan's time is being stolen? He's making you wait, you know?"

 

"Eh?" Makoto blinks, hands stilling in their movement as he stares at Nagisa. "But...I think it's nice to have more people like Haru? I'll admit," Makoto says, sheepishly scratching at his cheek, "I got a bit jealous when I was younger whenever Haru was with someone else- especially when he was with Rin ("I knew it!" Nagisa yells)- but I got over it. After all, it's selfish to want Haru all to myself, isn't it?"

 

"But!" Nagisa yells again, looking put out, "Isn't it a sign that you really love someone when you don't want other people to like them the way that you do?"

 

"I don't think so," Makoto says, lowering his hand again until it's resting on his bento. "If you truly loved someone, you'd want them to be happy no matter what, right? So if other people love Haru, that must mean that more people are noticing how kind he really is. That's good, isn't it?"

 

"I suppose," Rei says, sharing a look with Nagisa. "So, Makoto-senpai, would it be right to assume that you're the type to believe that it would be best to let the person you love go if it's for the better?"

 

"Huh?" Makoto stutters, looking confused for a moment as he processes Rei's words. "I...I guess? If letting that person go means that they'll be happier, then wouldn't that be best?"

 

"That's really stupid, Mako-chan!" Nagisa exclaims nigh instantly. "Shouldn't you fight for the person you love if you really love them?"

 

"But, Nagisa-kun," Rei says, reaching a hand out to squeeze Nagisa's shoulder, "fighting for someone you love isn't always the solution."

 

"What Rei is saying is true, Nagisa," Makoto says, an amused smile on his face as he watches Nagisa sit back down with an annoyed pout. "Wouldn't it be even more selfish to hold the person you love back when they can be happier with someone else?"

 

"So you're saying, Mako-chan," Nagisa says in a huff, his arms folded over his chest as he momentarily ignores his lunch in favor of their discussion, "you'd let Haru-chan go if you think he'll be happier without you?"

 

Makoto blinks at that, his hand that had been moving to scratch at his knee freezing mid-movement. Such a question would have surely surprised him had he been any younger, but he's eighteen now and he has Haru by his side. He's learned to be a little less greedy, and he's learned that Haru likes to be selfish (yet Makoto can't complain, because that selfishness is what got them where they are in the first place), and he's learned that being happy with Haru's happiness should always be enough. Because keeping Haru to himself, wanting to have Haru as his and only his, wasn't right. He already has so much of Haru, his smiles and his laughter and his concern, and it wouldn't be right for Makoto to claim all on his own. Haru already gave so much to Makoto without him even knowing it.

 

Wouldn't it be fairer to have Haru love Makoto not because he gave Haru so much, but purely because he loved Makoto? Wouldn't that be best?

 

Would Makoto really let go of Haru to him have the happiness that was always meant to be his?

 

("No," a younger Makoto would have said, instantly scared at the thought that Haru would have to go. That Haru would have to leave, without him.)

 

("No," he would have said again, had it been four years ago. He didn't want Haru to leave him for Rin. He didn't want to be left behind.)

 

The smile isn't forced when Makoto looks up at Nagisa again, his hand continuing to move and settling on his knee with his fingers tracing circles over the cloth covering his skin. "Yes," he says honestly, smiling still as he says as much. "I'd want Haru to be happy, after all."

 

Rei and Nagisa look surprised at his answer, though they don't say anything in response to it. If it's because Haru comes up the rooftop just before they can say anything, or if it's because they honestly can't say anything, Makoto will never really know.

 

Though what would it matter, hiding that sort of thing from Haru?

 

 

\----------

===========

\----------

 

 

Haru doesn't understand why he suddenly has admirers. He doesn't know what he did or what he didn't do, he doesn't know if someone told the girls something about him, or if it's because of Kou (who couldn't help from advertising the swim club to the girls of the school, which garnered them a large female audience whenever there's a small competition). He doesn't know what happened at all for it to become like this, and it's seriously grating on his nerves. He can't tell them that he already has Makoto either, because telling anyone about them would make Makoto feel bad, which is something he doesn't want.

 

"You look angry, Haru," Makoto says, an amused smile on his face as Haru comes in from the kitchen and sets two plates of food on the table. "Were you thinking about the girls who keep confessing to you?"

 

Haru gives Makoto an annoyed look at the accurate guess, making Makoto laugh in response. He sighs and shakes his head, removing his apron with ease before folding it up and setting it down beside him. "It's not funny, Makoto," he grumbles, narrowing his eyes at his fried squid (which Makoto had given him, saying that it was from their neighbor).

 

"Sorry, sorry, I know that it isn't," Makoto says with a smile. "But it is a bit nice, isn't it? You have so many people who like you, Haru."

 

"It's annoying," Haru says bluntly, making Makoto laugh a little louder in amusement. They take a moment to pause and mutter "thank you for the food," before picking up their chopsticks and taking small bites from their fried squid.

 

"That's so like you," Makoto says once he finishes a bite, grinning as he wipes away the tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. "I think it's great that Haru is liked a lot."

 

Haru frowns at Makoto's words as he chews on piece of his squid, his eyebrows drawn and his mouth turned down into a frown. Is it? It wasn't that great for Haru at all. He had never liked it when Makoto was always being confessed to, not because he was jealous at all, but because they were always taking up so much of Makoto's time. And yet, Makoto doesn't mind when Haru is the one being confessed to?

 

The thought hurts, as much as Makoto didn't mean that sort of thing with what he said.

 

"Are you alright, Haru?" Makoto asks, looking concerned when Haru looks up at him. "Does it bother you that much?"

 

"...yes, it does," Haru admits, his troubled expression replaced with a determined one as he looks right at Makoto. Makoto startles at the unusual expression Haru's making, unknowingly leaning back as Haru says, "I want them to know that I already have Makoto."

 

"Eh? B-but," Makoto says, smiling nervously as he picks at his food, "I don't think that would be a good idea..."

 

"Why not?" Haru asks, distractedly tapping at his plate with the tips of his chopsticks. "Does it really matter that much, what other people think?"

 

"I don't mind what they think of me, though," Makoto says with a frown. He takes a bite from his food, slowly chewing on it and swallowing, before he says, "I...I just don't want Haru to be affected by it."

 

Haru grunts in annoyance at that, turning his glare up to Makoto. _Of course I'll be affected by it, Makoto. I have you just as much as you have me, and that means that we'll both be involved. Why does it even matter?_

 

"I don't want Haru to be seen in a bad way," Makoto mumbles as he picks on his food. "Is that bad, Haru?"

 

"Then what about Makoto?" Haru says out loud, frowning still as he abandons his chopsticks onto his plate. "What if you're the one seen in a bad way?"

 

"I," Makoto trails off, hesitating as his hand on his chopsticks come to a pause, "I don't think I would mind, if it means that they know that I love Haru."

 

"That's unfair," Haru whispers, making Makoto snap his head up in surprise to look at him.  "Why can't they know that I love you too?"

 

Makoto freezes at those words, his mouth closing and opening, his whole expression looking like that of a deer caught in headlights. Haru swallows when he realizes that it was his own words, his little slip, that caused Makoto to look so surprised. He had never told Makoto that he loved him before- at least, not out loud. But, surely, Makoto already knew before he spoke those words openly?

 

"Oh," Makoto mumbles, looking thoroughly ashamed as he bows his head. Though Haru can't see his face at all, he can tell that Makoto is blushing through the pink color of the tips of his ears.

 

He hadn't known, apparently.

 

"Nn," Haru mumbles, turning his own face away to hide the heat showing itself on his cheeks. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, but he can't help it. It wasn't- _saying_ such things didn't come to him as naturally as it would to someone like Makoto. That didn't make his feelings any less real, nor did it mean that his feelings were far more valuable. It just means that he loves Makoto, like Makoto loves him.

 

In all honesty, he didn't mind not telling everyone about them. He likes his privacy, after all. If anyone else knows, what would it matter? It wasn't like either of them were openly affectionate or prone to sweet words. Not much is different despite the additional label of 'boyfriends' to their growing list of names for their relationship. First friend, childhood friend, best friend- it was only one more name, and it didn't replace anything. It _wouldn't_ replace anything.

 

But it's hard to keep his patience in the face of Makoto's admirers; especially when it comes to the persistent ones who've only given up for a period of time, and only for the sake of gathering more information on who Makoto might like, or what his type may be. Really, he doesn't need people knowing about them, but he _wants_ them to know. He wants these admirers to stop being so annoying, both his and Makoto's, and he wants people to acknowledge that they already have each other. He doesn't need anyone's 'congratulations' or acceptance, he doesn't need a stranger's support; all he wants is for people to stop persisting in their efforts to gain either his or Makoto's attention.

 

"I love you too," Makoto mumbles in a barely audible tone, although Haru can understand it enough to react. He's still blushing, but only in the lightest degree, when Makoto looks up at him again.

 

"I know," Haru mutters in reply. "And...you don't have to tell anyone, Makoto." _I know that you're still uncomfortable about it._

 

"But is that fine with you?" Makoto asks as he straightens up in his seat. "Haru?"

 

"It's fine," Haru says. He pauses, hesitating, before looking up at Makoto. "Do your parents know?"

 

"Not yet," Makoto admits with a shake of his head. He looks disappointed in himself at the admission, and while Haru would like to comfort him, he can't. Not when he wants for their parents to know. It wouldn't be respectful to hide it from their family, no matter how much they'd like to keep their privacy. He wants his and Makoto's parents' blessing, at least.

 

"Do your parents know, Haru?" Makoto asks, returning his hold onto his chopsticks as begins eating again, although at a slow pace.

 

Haru shakes his head in response. Makoto nods at that, a sigh falling from his lips as he finishes swallowing his bite of fried squid. Haru begins to eat when Makoto doesn't say anything more, his gaze lowered to the table as he chews slowly on his food.

 

"If it's alright with Haru," Makoto begins, just as Haru finishes his last piece of food, "I think I'll tell my parents."

 

Haru almost chokes on his last bite of fried squid, but he drinks down half of the water in his glass before it can happen. He thumps his fist onto his chest, coughing as soon as he swallows the bite that he'd been chewing on. Makoto is on his feet as soon as he notices Haru struggling, a hand reaching out to thump Haru's back as he exclaims worriedly, "Haru, are you okay?!"

 

"I-I'm fine," Haru coughs, letting Makoto hand him his glass of water again so he can take another drink. "I was just surprised."

 

"Eh," Makoto says, becoming a little quieter again as he blushes lightly. "I- don't you want me to tell them?"

 

"I want to," Haru insists, immediately clasping Makoto's hand in his once Makoto finishes putting the glass of water back down. Makoto squeaks at the gesture but doesn't pull away, although he looks plenty embarrassed as he sits beside Haru. "I'll go with you when you tell them."

 

"E-ehh?!" Makoto exclaims, the surprise at Haru's words effectively wiping away the embarrassed look on Makoto's face. "No, Haru, it's really fine-"

 

"I want to be there when you say it," Haru says, tone firm; Makoto can't help from sighing, his head dropping as he moans Haru's name in resignation. "Is that bad, Makoto?"

 

"No, it's not," Makoto says, slowly looking back up at Haru. He bites on the inside of his cheek for a moment in hesitation. "I can't help from worrying, though." He sighs, lowering his gaze again, the hand that had been in Haru's grasp sliding away to settle on Makoto's lap. Haru doesn't have to ask Makoto to know that he's worried about how his parents will react, how they might treat Haru once they find out the secret they've been keeping from them for so long. He's worried too, if not more than Makoto is, because he doesn't want Makoto to be treated any differently by his parents.

 

"It'll be fine," Haru says, reassuring Makoto by covering his hand with Haru's own. Makoto's gaze snaps back to him at that, and Haru smiles for the smallest bit. "They're Makoto's parents, after all."

 

"Heh," Makoto chuckles, his gentle smile returning to his face as he turns his hand so that he has Haru's hand clasped in his. "That's true, ne? It'll be fine."

 

"Mm," Haru agrees in a mumble, not once complaining as Makoto crawls closer to take Haru into his arms.

 

It should be fine. Makoto's parents are kind, after all.

 

 

\--------------

 

 

"Mom, Dad," Makoto begins to say, looking timid despite his height as he dries off his hands which had gotten wet from washing the dishes with Haru. "Could Haru and I talk to you for a moment?" He glances to his side at Haru, who is peeking back up at him. Haru doesn't say anything at all, not because he doesn't have any words to say, but because he feels that words wouldn't be enough to convey how much he wants to support Makoto through this. Makoto smiles despite his silence, and Haru relaxes. He'd gotten the message, after all.

 

"Hm?" Makoto's father blinks, looking intrigued by the odd request. Still, he smiles. "Of course, Makoto. Mama," he calls to Makoto's mother, who has just finished herding the twins off to their room. Makoto's mother smiles at the call and comes closer, her smile so similar to Makoto's that Haru can't help from feeling at ease. "It seems like our son wants to tell us something."

 

"Oh, really? What is it, dear?" She asks, looking from Makoto to Haru with a smile tinged with amusement. For some reason, Haru feels like they know something that he doesn't.

 

"Um, we should probably take a seat," Makoto mumbles, smiling sheepishly as he leads both of his parents to the dining table. Haru follows after him, taking the seat beside Makoto's as per the usual. Makoto's father and mother look more curious now, though his mother's smile never wavers even as she takes the seat across from them and beside her husband. "Ah, you see," Makoto trails off as he sits down, gaze darting from the table, to his parents, to Haru, before settling back on the table again. Haru reaches under the table for Makoto's hand and clasps it when he finds it clenched tightly on Makoto's lap, making Makoto look up at him in surprise again. Haru nods, trying to tell Makoto that he supports him with one look, which Makoto seems to get as he smiles again. He sucks in a breath and turns his gaze back to his parents (who look a little more amused than curious when Haru looks at them again), before finally saying, "Haru and I are...together."

 

"Together?" Makoto's mother repeats in a questioning tone.

 

"Makoto and I are lovers," Haru says before Makoto can say anything. Makoto is blushing when Haru peeks up at him, his hand trembling in Haru's grip as he nods at Haru's words.

 

"Oh, my," Makoto's mother mumbles.

 

"How long have you two been together?" Makoto's father asks, looking nonplussed at the confession.

 

"Th-three months," Makoto says, his shoulders tense as he bows his head. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you soon enough, mom, dad."

 

"Hm," Makoto's father mumbles, his hand under his chin as he thinks. He says, after a while of nerve-wracking silence, "That certainly explains a lot, doesn't it dear?"

 

"Mmhmm," Makoto's mom hums in agreement. "Makoto's been out of the house so often that it had me worried. I thought that staying at Haru-kun's house was just an excuse to do something else, but I guess not."

 

"Wh-what?" Makoto stammers, his hand stilling from its trembling state under Haru's grasp.

 

"To be honest, Makoto," his father says, an unusually sheepish smile on his face as he speaks, "Mama and I had noticed that you and Haru-kun liked each other a lot for a long while now, but we thought you might grow out of it eventually. You'd meet new people in high school and college after all, won't you?"

 

Makoto nods at that, the disappointment clear in his eyes as lowers his gaze to the table. Haru squeezes Makoto's hand when he notices the sad expression on his face, and gets a sad smile in return. _It's okay, Haru_ , Makoto says without really saying anything out loud, and Haru frowns. Makoto doesn't deserve to be sad like this, no matter the fact that it's his parents speaking the words that are making him feel this way.

 

"But," Makoto's father continues with a sigh, "I suppose this is also fine." His smile is gentle when he turns his gaze from Haru to Makoto, and he says, "Makoto."

 

"Y-yes?" Makoto answers, swiftly turning his gaze back up to his father as he smiles nervously.

 

Makoto's father turns his smile to Makoto's mother instead of responding, to which Makoto's mother smiles. "You and Haru-kun have our blessing."

 

"Eh?!" Makoto exclaims, before slapping a hand to his mouth in surprise and embarrassment. "R-really? Mom? Dad?" Makoto stammers as he lowers his hand, looking at them both with a bewildered expression as his previously quivering hand stills.

 

"That's right," Makoto's father says, before chuckling in amusement. "So long as you're happy, Makoto. That's all that matters to us. And, well," he says, looking a little embarrassed, "I guess we always wanted to surprise you by saying that we would accept you both no matter what."

 

"But...you said," Makoto trails off, looking hesitant as his fist clenches tighter on his lap.

 

"We had thought that it would be better if both of you found girlfriends, but you're happiest together, aren't you?" Makoto's mother says, a smile on her face as Makoto slowly relaxes in his seat. "We can't get in the way of that. We just want you both to find happiness; if your happiness lies in each other, then we can't complain, can we?"

 

"What good would it do, really, to separate you two at this point?" Makoto's father adds, looking amused when Makoto unknowingly dons a subtly horrified expression. "It's not going to help anyone. In any case, we could have stopped this from happening years ago, couldn't we? But we let it be, because you two seemed happiest with each other. It's not a conventional way to think about it," Makoto's father sighs, "but it should be fine if both parties are happy, right?"

 

"Mom, Dad," Makoto whispers, the awe and gratefulness clear from his gradually growing smile.

 

"It's a given that we, as parents, ought to want for your happiness, isn't it?" Makoto's mother says with a soft laugh. "Oh," she blinks, a hand coming up to her mouth as she seems to remember something. "Do Haru-kun's parents know, though?" She asks, both her and Makoto's father turning their gazes to Haru.

 

"Not yet, auntie," Haru says with a shake of his head. "I was thinking of telling them when they came back."

 

"Ah, that's right," Makoto's father says, "They are coming back for Christmas, aren't they?"

 

"Un." Haru nods. He blinks in surprise when he feels his hand being enveloped in warmth, and he looks up at Makoto. Makoto, who is smiling with such affection that Haru can't help from blushing in embarrassment. How can he be so open like this right after telling his parents about them?

 

"We'll leave the two of you alone now, so make sure to keep things decent, ne?" Makoto's mother says, laughing when Makoto sputters in response. She leaves with Makoto's father not long after, her words still hanging in the air that Makoto can't help from stewing in his own embarrassment. Haru can only look on, trying his hardest not to smile at how adorable he looks, although that's a futile effort when Makoto looks up and smiles sheepishly at him.

 

"That was embarrassing," Makoto admits, shifting his hand over Haru's until their fingers are twined together.

 

"Only you were embarrassed," Haru says, smiling in the smallest bit when Makoto gives him a disbelieving look. "It's very like you, Makoto."

 

"Be quiet," Makoto mumbles in annoyance, not saying anything even as Haru squeezes his hand, although he does try to hide a smile. (Makoto can never really hide a smile from him, though he's not going to tell Makoto that. It's another cute thing about Makoto that he doesn't want to change.)

 

"I'm happy," Haru mumbles, glancing at Makoto through the corners of his eyes as he keeps his body facing the table. "I'm happy that Makoto's parents accept us."

 

Makoto stills at that, looking as though he's processing those words in his mind, until he turns his head to look at Haru with the same awestruck expression he'd had when Haru first confessed. "Haru..."

 

"Don't say anything," Haru grumbles, biting his lip as he squeezes his hand around Makoto's own again. The silence between them is the only thing that can keep Haru calm at this point, which is both surprising and not. Usually, Makoto was the one to calm him- but after the slight change in their relationship, it's almost always like it's Makoto who _excites_ him. It was a horrifying realization.

 

Really, if Makoto says anything more, then Haru won't be able to help himself from doing something stupid.

 

 

\------------------

 

 

"Ah, Izumi-san was the one who confessed to you today, wasn't she?" Makoto asks Haru once they start to open up their bento. Haru looks up at that, his eyebrows furrowed as he regards Makoto. "Sorry, I heard from our classmates," Makoto apologizes with a smile when he notices the look on Haru's face. "She loves swimming too, I've heard."

 

"...yes, she told me," Haru mumbles as he takes out his chopsticks, before beginning to eat.

 

"You'd both be compatible then, ne?" Makoto says with a laugh, not noticing as Haru freezes mid-bite.

 

_Compatible?_

Makoto sends a smile Haru's way, to which Haru says a "tch" before returning to eating. Makoto was joking, of course. Haru shouldn't take everything Makoto says to heart, else he'll get himself ill with worry. Surprisingly, Makoto is the type to joke and tease Haru about the girls who confess to him. It feels a little like Makoto is pushing him away, though that clearly isn't the case when Makoto still seems so happy in being with him.

 

Could it be that Makoto is trying to make him jealous?

 

(If he were, then it's certainly working.)

 

"Makoto," Haru mumbles to break the silence, setting his chopsticks down for a moment to look at Makoto. Makoto looks up at him as soon as his name is called, a smile on his face as cocks his head to the side in question.

_I want you to kiss me._

"Eh?" Makoto says, blinking at Haru as soon as the thought passes through Haru's mind.

 

_Now._

"But," Makoto stutters, lowering his hand so he doesn't accidentally drop his chopsticks onto the floor.

 

_Makoto._

"I know, Haru! But," Makoto murmurs, discreetly looking around them to the sight of various other students on the rooftop. Haru frowns at the reminder. "Maybe later, ne?"

 

"Nn," Haru grumbles in disappointment, turning his head away when Makoto laughs in response. How annoying.

 

"Ah, Haru-chan! Mako-chan! Sorry we're late," Nagisa exclaims as soon as he opens the door to the rooftop, not at all giving silence a chance to provide its calm for anyone on the rooftop as he drags Rei with him to head for them. Nagisa pouts as soon as he sees Haru and Makoto already eating. "Aw, you started without us!"

 

"It's understandable, considering how long you took in organizing your things," Rei huffs, not shaking Nagisa's hand off  his wrist even as they move to sit across from Makoto and Haru.

 

"But that's Rei-chan's fault! You kept telling me to put this here and that there- it's really hard to satisfy you, you know?" Nagisa moans, easily getting Rei flustered as he finally shakes Nagisa's hand off of him.

 

"I was only trying to help! It's not my fault that the things inside your bag are a complete mess, Nagisa-kun!" Rei retorts, folding his legs in front of him as he sets his bento on his lap.

"Haru," Makoto whispers, not looking at Haru at all as he finishes off a bite from his food.

 

Haru looks to Makoto in question when he hears his name being called, expecting Makoto to make a comment about Nagisa and Rei again (as he is prone to). Makoto is smiling when he looks up at him, a tinge of mischief in his green eyes as he leans into Haru's space. Haru leans closer in turn, waiting for Makoto to whisper something to him and impatiently starting to frown when Makoto still doesn't speak up.

 

He ends up stunned when Makoto places a quick peck of a kiss on his lips.

 

"Ahhh!" Nagisa screams as soon as Makoto pulls back, making both him and Haru look up at Nagisa in surprise. "Ahhh!!" Nagisa yells again, waving a hand wildly around.

 

"N-Nagisa-kun?" Rei says hesitantly, before yelping in surprise when Nagisa's wildly flailing hand slaps itself down onto Rei's shoulder. "What?!"

 

"PDA," Nagisa murmurs solemnly just as Rei leans in close.

 

"Stop messing around, Nagisa-kun!" Rei exclaims, a hand coming up to squeeze on the cloth covering his chest. "I thought that something happened!"

 

Makoto, still looking flustered despite how Nagisa has his attention focused on Rei, breathes out a sigh before he continues to eat. It's clear that he's embarrassed from how silent he is, as compared to how he'd automatically dissuade Nagisa from causing a ruckus while they're eating. He's silent as he eats, occasionally giving a smile and a laugh when the moment calls for it, and Haru can't help but feel a little responsible. He didn't even have the chance to kiss Makoto back with how quick it was.

 

"Makoto," Haru says, trying not to let his overwhelming satisfaction show when Makoto immediately notices him calling.

 

"Mm?" Makoto says, looking up while chewing on some rice.

 

Haru leans over and presses a kiss on Makoto's lips, letting it linger far longer than the kiss Makoto had given just a few minutes before. Haru keeps his eyes open the whole time, not wanting to miss how red Makoto will inevitably turn, and ends up noticing through the corner of his eyes how Nagisa and Rei are blocking the view of the other students in the vicinity.

 

They were being helpful after all.

 

(The kiss was worth it, despite the various screams and whines he'd gotten from Nagisa and Makoto afterwards.)

 

 

\------------------

========

\------------------

 

 

"Ah, Haru-chan is taking so long," Nagisa moans in annoyance, further expressing said annoyance by nuzzling the top of his head against Rei's shoulder. Rei can only sigh at the gesture, having already realized that complaining about it won't get him any results.

 

Makoto smiles when he watches them, before taking a peek at his watch to check how long it's been since Haru was called for a confession. The slight change in his routine (i.e. Haru's absence) isn't much of a deal now that they're in their third year of high school. A little late in their second year, after they'd already fixed things with RIn, he'd thought that he would never get used to Haru's time being taken away by so many admirers. _But that changed, didn't it?_ He thinks to himself. It's a little surprising in itself how he's gotten so used to it, how it doesn't matter as much to him anymore as compared to before. Rather, he thinks it's a little cute. The thought of Haru getting more and more popular as time passes reminds him a little of that saying about wine only becoming more delicious as it grows older, and if that's not a little bit funny, then what would that make of his sense of humor?

 

"Mako-chan, you're laughing all by yourself again," Nagisa exclaims, making Makoto yelp in surprise at having been caught. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asks again, leaving Rei alone in favor of coming closer to him with a wide mischievous grin. "Should we go and eavesdrop on them, Mako-chan? I won't tell Haru-chan that it was your idea, I promise!"

 

"Nagisa-kun! Please stop bothering Makoto-senpai with such nonsense," Rei berates Nagisa as soon as he realizes why he was left alone. Nagisa makes a face at Rei's words, to which Rei rolls his eyes. "In any case, isn't it _you_ who wants to eavesdrop on Haruka-senpai?"

 

"He wants to as well!" Nagisa huffs. "Don't you, Mako-chan?" He needles, narrowing his eyes at Makoto until Makoto lets a nervous laugh escape from his mouth.

 

"N-no, not really," Makoto says, both of his palms open to try and ward Nagisa from coming any closer. "I think we should respect Yuuko-san's wish to confess, ne? I don't want to embarrass her."

 

Rei blinks at those words when Makoto looks up at him and Nagisa says, voice a little louder than before, "You're _too nice_ , Mako-chan! You should stop that! What happens if a girl steals Haru-chan? Are you just going to smile and congratulate them?!"

 

"You don't have to shout, Nagisa," Makoto whines, unknowingly letting himself be cornered into the gate post when he backs away from Nagisa.

 

"Honestly," Nagisa mumbles, cheeks puffed up in annoyance. "I'm serious when I ask this, Mako-chan! Would you seriously let a girl take Haru-chan away just because Haru looks happier with her?"

 

Makoto looks up at Rei in confusion, the habit formed from the odd understanding Rei seems to have with Nagisa's sudden and inexplicable questions. Rei makes a panicked face when Makoto looks at him, though he can't say anything to Rei before Nagisa speaks up again, "Ne, Mako-chan! You should answer my question, you know? It's not that hard!"

 

"It's a really weird question, though," Makoto says, his eyebrows drawn as he tries to comprehend just where the question came from. For some reason, Nagisa's words feel a little familiar, like he's heard such a question before. Perhaps he has, and he just can't recall it completely?

 

"No it's not," Nagisa whines, bumping his head into Makoto's chest and nuzzling into him, making Makoto laugh as a consequence. "You and Haru-chan are really close, but even Rei-chan and I can tell that Haru-chan is feeling sad because of you being stupid! He just doesn't let you notice that, you know?"

 

"Eh," Makoto says, caught in surprise by Nagisa's words. He hasn't seen Haru being particularly sad at all, though? Maybe Nagisa was seeing things?

 

"Nagisa-kun, I think you should stop pestering Makoto-senpai about those things," Rei speaks up, a half-hearted smile on his face when Makoto looks up at him. "It's not any of our business, is it? I'm sure Haruka-senpai will talk to Makoto-senpai about it eventually."

 

"Talk to me about what?" Makoto asks, looking even more confused as Nagisa backs away from him with a huff. He turns his bemused gaze from Rei to Nagisa, before asking again, "What are you two talking about?"

 

"Er," Rei begins, looking troubled as his gaze darts almost everywhere, as though trying to avoid looking into Makoto's eyes. _But why?_

"Makoto."

 

Makoto looks to his left at the call of his name, smiling when he sees Haru already heading their way. "You took your time, Haru," Makoto teases, chuckling when Haru scoffs in response. He looks behind Haru to look for Yuuko, before turning back to him with a raised eyebrow when he doesn't find her. "Where's Yuuko-chan?"

 

"She asked to be left behind," Haru says, a bored expression on his face as he starts walking ahead of Makoto. Makoto sighs at the indifferent response but follows and catches up to Haru, matching his pace as they start to walk for the nearest convenience store. Nagisa and Rei are already far ahead of them when Makoto looks again, surprisingly enough; the sound of their loud chatter is dulled by the cool breeze as they walk. Makoto has a feeling that they went ahead for a reason, and he can't help from feeling a little nervous. In his contemplation, he ends up jolting in surprise when Haru speaks up again, "Why do you care about her?"

 

"Eh?" Makoto blurts out. "What do you mean?"

 

"You were asking where she was," Haru mumbles, his countenance telling of his annoyance. "Why?"

 

"I was worried, I guess," Makoto admits hesitantly, unsure of his own answer in the face of Haru's unusually expressive state. "The two of you took so long, it was already so late..."

 

"Did you worry that I'd say yes to her?" Haru asks, though he looks pained when he says it. As though the words were ripped out of him instead of being willingly spoken aloud. Makoto swallows at the sight of Haru's odd expression, his hand which isn't in Haru's line of sight nervously scratching at the outside of his thigh.

 

"Haru would look cute with Yuuko-chan, though," Makoto says as a joke, trying to lighten the situation. He looks at Haru when his words are met with silence, only to see that Haru has stopped in his steps and is looking at Makoto with a stricken look.

 

"I-It was a joke," Makoto says weakly, turning back around to face Haru. "Of course I trust you to reject her properly, Haru."

 

"It didn't sound like a joke, Makoto," Haru says. Makoto can tell that he's closing himself off again from the way that his countenance returns to a blank state, from the way that Haru's eyes grow a little duller in their color- it makes Makoto's heart stop, just for a moment, because this is the sort of thing he never wants to see from Haru. He wants Haru to be _happy_ , not...not _this._

 

"But it really was a joke," Makoto insists, coming closer, feeling a small sense of relief when Haru doesn't back away from him. He reaches out with both hands, cupping Haru's cheeks in his warm palms, before saying, "I'd be sad if Haru ever left me for someone else."

 

"Would you?" Haru asks, surprising Makoto for the second time that day. "Would you be sad, or would you force yourself to smile?"

 

"Haru?" Makoto stammers, hands freezing in their place as Haru looks up at him.

 

"I don't want Makoto to think of me being with anyone else, even as a joke," Haru says, blue eyes boring right under Makoto's skin, the intensity of it sending a small shiver up Makoto's spine as Haru covers Makoto's hands with his own. "I want you to be selfish for once. I want you to say that you don't want me to be with anyone else."

 

"B-but that's," Makoto stutters, flustered as he tries to will away the redness on his cheeks. This is far too new, something completely unlike Haru that Makoto can't help from stammering. _Had he done something so bad that Haru feels the need to say these things?_

" _Makoto,_ " Haru says, a frown on his lips as he squeezes his hands around Makoto's. "Promise me. Promise me that you won't say jokes like that anymore. "

 

Makoto's eyebrows draw further down at those words. "But, Haru," he tries to stay, only to have the words stuck in his throat when he looks into Haru's eyes. There's something pleading in his ocean blues, an emotion Makoto has never seen in Haru since Rin came back, and Makoto stops. He stops completely, his mouth moving of its own accord to say, "I promise."

 

Haru relaxes at his words and loosens his grip on Makoto's hands. Makoto doesn't know what it is that changes, just what tiny detail it was that he missed that made it so different, but Haru looks like he's leaning into the warmth of his hands now, unlike earlier.

 

He can't say no to Haru when he's being like this, no matter how much he knows he needs to.

 

 

\---------------------

 

 

It takes a month before Makoto realizes what's wrong with him. It takes a month of biting his tongue, of keeping his words in, of putting on an awkward smile before Makoto realizes just why it was that he keeps unintentionally hurting Haru. Perhaps, if he were Rin, or Rei, or maybe even Nagisa, he'd have noticed it long before it could worsen this much. Really, if he thinks on it, it's not that there's really anything _wrong_ with him- rather, something _changed_ in him. Drastically, permanently- it's imprinted on him enough that he can't just change it back again. Something broke inside him when he slowly started to lose Haru's attention to Rin when they were younger, and he hadn't known it.

 

Watching Haru be fascinated with someone, watching his blue eyes light up in excitement, watching him grow angry and attached and affected by someone else; those things that Makoto couldn't do, could never really do as easily as Rin could, made him into this. It was never Haru's fault. It was Makoto's fault, because he decided to fall in love like this. He decided that Haru would be the one, even before he knew just what it meant to be really in love with someone. He just knew that he wanted to stay by Haru's side, to make him happy, to see him smile again despite everything that's happened. But as he grew older, as Rin remained far away from them, Makoto eventually came to the realization that being by Haru's side didn't mean that he could provide the same happiness that Rin could. He was jealous. He was frustrated. He was sad before he could let those feelings grow into anger, because being angry just wasn't in Makoto's nature.

 

He gave up then, all without Haru knowing it.

 

Still, despite those frustrating feelings, he stayed by Haru's side. He stayed because he was selfish, because he hoped that Haru needed him just as much as Makoto did, even though that hope waned through the years. He knew that he was needed in some way, he knew that was important just as Rin was, but that didn't mean that he was any better. That didn't mean that he was anything special. Rin was the storm to Haru's passive self, the passion that Haru never had- he was something to balance Haru out, and they were _chaos_ whenever they were together. Makoto was the land to Haru's ocean, the calm whenever the storm passes, and Makoto gradually came to accept that he would only ever be needed as Haru's anchor whenever the storm got too strong. He was never going to be the tempest, the excitement, or the passion that Rin was for Haru.

 

But those thoughts changed, took another shape as they grew. They got Rin back, their group became bigger, and Haru was finally happy. Rin wasn't a storm that Haru needed, Makoto realized, but he was the rainfall that provided Haru the energy to push himself further. He was motivation, encouragement- he was excitement in a way that made Haru do more than what he'd usually deem enough. Haru was never really in love with Rin as Makoto thought he was, which was proven that one night when Haru confessed his feelings. Rather, Haru needed Rin because he was that much needed push _away_ from being ordinary, because what good would being ordinary be if there wasn't the occasional switch up?

 

Haru didn't need Makoto either. Really, Haru didn't even need _anyone_. But he wanted, just as any person would, and he wanted Makoto. He chose Makoto to be his best friend, and he eventually let Makoto know that he had chosen him as a lover too. Makoto was elated (how could he not be?) at Haru's words and he had said the same, confessed the same words with great enthusiasm, because he's sure that he waited so much longer than Haru has to have his feelings accepted. He had thought that he would be happy then. He had thought that he would be satisfied. And he was, honestly speaking. He was- _is_ happy with where they are now, and he's happy that Haru cares enough to respect Makoto's wishes in not telling everyone else.

 

But Makoto only ever wanted to keep it a secret to keep Haru's reputation from being damaged. He was already seen as an odd one for liking water so much, which was remedied with his natural prowess in the water, and Makoto thought that Haru didn't need anything else to tarnish that. He had thought that, if anyone else knew, then surely Haru would be seen as the odd one out again. He didn't want that. He wanted Haru to attain that ordinary life that he wanted so much, and so he became the busybody that Haru came to see him as being. He didn't mind, really. If what he does is beneficial to Haru, then it'll surely be fine no matter how annoyed Haru gets with him. He had accepted that Haru would never really be happy with him, though that thought changed through time as well.

 

Everything changed through time, except him. Sure, he had changed with his fear of the water, but had anything else changed?

 

He had become stuck before he could realize it and untangle himself from the knots of his complicated beliefs. He had grown to believe his own thoughts as the truth; that Haru would eventually find a girl to fall in love with. He had first believed that Rin would be the one for him, but surely Haru couldn't be happy with someone so volatile and excitable? So he altered those thoughts, imagined Haru with someone who could make him sincerely happy, and while it hurt, it was best to accept it while he could, wasn't it? It would be better to start early instead of waiting for the news to be dropped on him like a ton of bricks, breaking his heart into tiny jagged shards until they're just pieces of glass around his feet. He lied to himself so much about being happy for Haru when he finds someone to be with, that the lie became the truth. He was fine with it. Really, he was.

 

He had been fine with it. But Haru disregarded Makoto's expectations and chose him after everything, as though it were that easy a decision for him. He chose Makoto without considering anything else, without considering how much harder it would be to choose another boy like him, without considering how hard it was for Makoto to force himself to believe that he could let Haru go. He was already prepared for that time, already prepared to put on a smile, but Haru didn’t care for that, did he?

 

He was the one who broke his own heart in the end, and he hadn't realized it until now.

 

"Makoto," Haru grumbles, breaking Makoto out of his thoughts as Haru shifts in his embrace, turning his whole body around until his naked chest is pressed against Makoto's. "You're thinking too loud."

 

"Was I?" Makoto says, a sleepy smile on his face as he moves on the bed until Haru is more comfortable in his arms. He bites back a sound when Haru places his hand over the arm Makoto has around Haru's waist, though he does offer a smile when Haru looks up at him. For a moment, he becomes nervous at the thought that Haru will figure out what he was thinking about- that is, until Haru heaves a sigh and hides his face in Makoto's chest. "Haru?"

 

"Go to sleep," Haru grumbles, voice muffled as he moves his arms until they're wrapped around Makoto's waist.

 

"Your arm will fall asleep if you keep it there," Makoto scolds playfully, his arm which had been under his head moving down to tap the arm Haru has wrapped around the side of his waist that he's lying on.

 

"Then move," Haru mumbles, looking up at him with a displeased look. Makoto chuckles at Haru's blatant displeasure, though he does as asked. He grunts a bit when he turns until he's lying on his back, before tugging Haru close with his arms looped under Haru's armpits, which inevitably makes him laugh as Haru settles his head on Makoto's chest.

 

"Be quiet, Makoto," Haru mumbles a little more sleepily this time, his right arm rising to wrap around Makoto's stomach. Makoto moves his own arms until one is wrapped around Haru’s back, the other settled over Haru’s arm which is lying on Makoto’s abdomen.

 

"Mm," Makoto hums in response, his own eyes closing along with Haru's as he lets himself succumb to sleep. It doesn't take long for Haru to follow after him, his breath warm on Makoto's skin and his arm comfortably warm around his waist as he slumbers.

 

It's not like Haru will ever need to know how he really feels about being with him in this sort of relationship, so it should be fine to stay like this.

 

(Right?)

**Author's Note:**

> I tried. I tried so fucking hard. This is my first fanfiction for free!, so I apologize for any errors or w/e. I'm only just returning to the fanfiction business after....idk, months? Sighs. 
> 
> I appreciate comments on the fic, just so you guys know. hahaha.


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